Your favorite "Texts from Last Night"

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So much fun to share when you're bored

He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.

MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.

no texts for bus

(937): View more from Ohio

the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest

(703):
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.

Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.

I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.

(952):

Is he smart?

(952):

Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.

Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity

So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?

(306):
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife