What if 4Kids had dubbed Hellsing Ultimate?

Okay, imagine this: an awesome, bloody, violent, vampire anime with lots of swearing. Now, imagine if that anime was turned into a kid's show. Leave your thoughts below on what the 4Kids dub of Hellsing Ultimate would be like.

There'd be some sort of rap or heavy metal intro at the beginning because it's 'hip' and that's what all the 'cool kids' like.

Guns would be replaced with either walkie-talkies or edited out entirely, making it seem like they're going to shoot with their fingers.

Bloodstains and cuts would be edited to look like some kind of dirt or something.

All swears will be replaced with kid-friendly pseudo-profanity, with words like 'f***' and s***' are replaced by 'frak' and 'ship.'

They'd get someone with the worst German accent to play Hellsing and any vampire will have a 'Transylvanian' accent, complete with stereotypical "BLEGH!"

The guy who did the voice of Dr. Robotnik in Sonic X and the guy who voiced Brock in Pokemon and Seto Kaiba in Yu-Gi-Oh! would voice at least a few characters as they're already in a ton of 4Kids anime.

In Japan it mostly like is considered a kid's show.

Lol. That's probably exactly what it would be like. But good thing Funimation jumped in before 4Kids could butcher it.