The General Election is only two days away and the Conservative Party are in a state of confusion over their relationship with UKIP.... or whether they have a relationship with UKIP at all. Some Tories are hardline right wingers and some are less so. Perhaps this little (fun) survey might help those of a conservative voting persuasion to decide on their true allegiance:
You believe the European Union to be:
a. An evil alliance of human rights activists who want to turn the country over to terrorists and benefit scroungers.
b. A bureaucratic nightmare run by Krauts and Frogs that is determined to strip Britain of its right to govern itself. We should get out immediately, if not, sooner.
c. A noble institution that keeps the peace in Europe and membership of it is essential to Britain’s future prosperity.
Your 18 year old daughter introduces her new boyfriend, whose name is Mohammad. You:
a. Try to be grudgingly polite to him but you can’t help yourself from asking if anybody in his family has been a suicide bomber.
b. You disown your daughter and tell her never to darken your doorstep again until she has found herself a respectable white, middle class boyfriend.
c. You welcome him into your home and commit to making him comfortable within your family circle.
You believe convicted criminals should be:
a. Given stiffer sentences, preferably without all the ‘comforts’ of life such as food.
b. Flogged to within an inch of their life and then hanged at dawn every day for a week. That’ll teach ‘em.
c. Given a chance in life after serving their sentence.
You think the unemployed in Britain are:
a. Shirkers and scroungers and they should get on their bike and look for work.
b. Morbidly obese chavs with 15 children, multiple tattoos and horrible, snarling dogs that attack babies in prams.
c. Struggling to get by as best they can whilst desperately looking for work.
You are introduced to somebody who is obviously working class. You:
a. Talk down to them and leave at the earliest possible opportunity.
b. Don’t talk to them at all, instead, you walk away covering your nose with a handkerchief.
c. You talk to them with civility, just as you would anybody else.
You believe Britain’s immigrants are:
a. Alright as long as they stay in their ghettos, work, pay tax and never use the NHS.
b. Swamping the country with filth and terrorism.
c. Decent, hard working people who have greatly enriched our society.
A friend of yours, whom you have known for many years, comes out as gay and asks you to be the best man at his same-sex marriage. You:
a. Say you’d love to be there but you have prior arrangements and won’t be available on that day. Or any other day come to think of it.
b. Vomit on his shoes, kick him in the gonads and walk away calling him a shirtlifter.
c. Congratulate him and his spouse-to-be, and say you’d be honoured to do it.
You want your party leader to:
b. Kick out all the foreigners, leave Europe, nuke the Middle East, bring back hanging and then resign.
c. Care deeply about all sections of society and the good of the world as a whole.
All A’s: You are a Sun / Daily Mail reader and will probably defect to UKIP
All B’s: You’re a swivel-eyed loon who probably has already defected to UKIP
All C’s: You are a Liberal Democrat in the coalition government.
I'd be a Liberal Democrat over on your side of the big pond too I see.