What Can Make My Blood Boil.

How hard can it be for a 50 year old male to make amends with his estranged son??? Is it that hard to say "My fault, I'm sorry." Being a missing father all of my childhood, my father has the audacity 25 years later to be bitter towards me.

Men can be like that. no offense. My dad is the same. It could be anything - pride, denial, projection. That's the reason I can never really bring myself to confront my own dad. I get the feeling he'd try to push it onto me and I'm terrified of losing him.

If it's any consolation, I'd happily kick some sense into him. He'd also never be able to reproduce again but never mind that.

I've only seen my bio dad once since I was a year and half years old. I think I was nine. Some people just don't care about their offspring.

After reuniting, all it took was one arguement and He once more bans me from his life forever.....

Then he doesn't deserve you. You've survived without him this long. You'll get over it. Your illusions of him might have been shattered but you'll be fine soon. You'll be stronger for it. You don't need him.

You're better off without him. I know the pain you're feeling.

After looking my father in the face as a man for the first time, all I saw was physical similarity. Me and my father are two different people. He represents everything evil and I represent everything good.

You get that feeling ab out some people don't you? That they just deny all compassion because of a twisted belief system, or just a lack of feeling.

You could see this in another way? That you now know that it was probably better you didn't have to deal with him as a child because you may hate him more and have such inner conflict or you could have ended up like him

I would guess that your father actually does feel very badly about what has happened. So guilty in fact that he finds it painful to talk about, or even see you. I know how unfair that seems.

Have you ever told him how hurt you were? Have you told him that you want a relationship with him? You should tell him both these things. Do you know why he was not around? You don't have to share that with us but understandsing why he behaved the way he did may help you to be less angry.

It sounds like despite it all you do want a relationship with him. That will need a fresh start & a clean slate - for both of you. You need to hear 'I'm sorry." whereas what he probably needs to here is "I forgive you."

Granted, there are alot of mysteries about my life as surely there are about every other human being on the face of this planet. The mystery about my unworthy father bothers me in ways I cannot express. It bothers me I never knew him. It bothers me that he is unexplainably evil. There is so much more inside my soul that twists and churns. So much more I do not understand. So much more for which I cannot find the mortal words to express.