Want some more?

@rondetto Said

I was sitting in a Chinese restaurant last night and it suddenly went dark. The waiter came over and said: "You all need to start clapping!"
"What a weirdo," I thought.
Anyway we all started to clap and the lights came on!
I said: "How did that happen?"
He replied: "Old Chinese proverb, many hands make light work."

___

I have decided that I’m giving up lent for alcohol.

___

Sat watching Blue Peter with my mate the other day when I thought.
Shouldn't one of us try to resuscitate him.

___

I spent years cooking sausage, bacon and egg for a London based team of detectives who investigated armed robberies.
How I miss my time on the Frying Squad.

___

A Street Preacher shouted at me "JESUS WAS THE SAVIOUR OF THE HUMAN RACE."
I shouted back "I THINK YOU'LL FIND IT WAS LILY THE PINK"!!

___

I started a new hobby this Sunday. I did two hours of bell ringing. I found it very therapeutic…It seemed to pee the bus driver off though!

___

Whenever I get a headache, I take two aspirin and keep away from children…Just like the packaging says!

___

A son says to his mother one day, "Mum, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I'm still a virgin.

"His mother replied, "Well, maybe If you start giving them bad marks and they'll stop!"

___