Toxic People

@treebee Said

Its a tricky position when family are supporting you financially.

I think we all get miffed when our kids do not make the decisions we would like them to make. Its very kind of your dad to put your son through college.

It sounds like i am all on their side doesn't it. I am trying to look at it from both sides here.

I am on my own too, sometimes i have to snarl a bit at my own family when they try to interfere in my own life and that of my children. I wont accept support and money from them because i need to be independent. But there are small things where for example i am growing all my own vegetables this year. My mother was quite excited about it and she bought loads of pots and plants and got her husband to fix an outdoor hosepipe to the house.

At first i was a bit angry about it because i wanted to do it all by myself and in her helping it was taking from my own independence.

When i look at the situation from the outside, she is just trying to help me. She is just being nice and wants me to succeed.

I think in my own case the problem is with me. I need to learn to accept help from people and realise it is not failure to accept support.

In your own case, you are a 41 year old mother and a grown up. Your parents probably do not see that. I know its a power struggle that you think would have been left behind in your teens, i know its infuriating that they leave you alone when you was married but suddenly see you as helpless now you are divorced.

Its a battle to stay on your own 2 feet sometimes. It wont always be like this. Your parents wont always be there.

@Mysteria Said

Thanks for your input. I like hearing the truth. That's another thing. When I avoid my parents, I feel guilty because I don't want them to die with hard feelings between us. I worry about them dying anyway. I don't like being dependent but I don't make enough money to live on. I also fear abandonment. When my parents pass away, I don't want to have to depend on my brothers and their wives for help. I don't have close relationships with my sisters-in-law, to say the least. Sometimes I think dying would be easier than what I go through. I need their acceptance more than financial support. It seems like my dad helps my son and I financially because he's not good to us in other ways. Same with my mother. I guess they think they can buy our love. Money can't buy happiness, but I do appreciate their help.

@treebee Said

Do you have some close friends? Do you go to any clubs or anything?

Sometimes when a person just cannot be themselves around family they get a "chosen" family around them.

Its hard to trust people but giving a little of yourself to a bunch of close friends can be as rewarding as having a family.

@treebee Said

Maybe you should get away from them. Sometimes people thrive on their own.