These are funny

@rondetto Said

My mate is so stupid he changed his name by deed poll , to Paul Smith Romaine Cos iceberg little gem ….Just so he could have lettuce after his name.
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People think I'm a miser, but I'm not buying it.
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My mate went to his wife's funeral yesterday.
He asked the vicar for the WiFi code
"Your wife's dead!!!!" Shouted the vicar.
'Is that all in lower case?"
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She asked a famous artist if he would paint her in the nude ,
He said that was fine , but he'd have to keep his socks on otherwise he'd have nowhere to put his brushes.
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98% of the world is stupid!
Luckily, I'm part of the 3%.
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New reality show starts tonight on Ch4 about vicars who are naked from the waste down.
It's called Knickerless Parsons.
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I just got back from Dubai where I was offered 40 camels for my wife.
I usually smoke Marlboro but hey... a deal's a deal.
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"Sorry I haven't been to work this week boss but I overheard my neighbours arguing. It seems that he's been caught cheating and she said she's going to get revenge by screwing all the neighbours."
Boss: "So?"
"So I'm staying in and waiting my turn."
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Charlie Sheen is American, Michael Sheen is Welsh, but Mr Sheen is Polish.
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Got home from work today to find my kids have been on ebay all day.
If they are still there tomorrow I will lower the price.
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Some people pick their nose.....................
I was born with mine!
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I bought a faulty stair lift today !
My wife hit the roof.
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"Mum, I cant find my dictionary."
"Have you looked upstairs?"
"I cant look anything up......"
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