The Prostitute

A local prostitute was brought before the court of Queen's Bench for solicitation. The judge was surprised to discover that the young woman was claiming not guilty when police had caught her in the act.

The judge questioned her, expressing her surprise.

"I am celibate." the young woman declared.

"Celibate?" the judge asked, wide-eyed. "How can you claim you are celibate?"

"It is my business to be celibate. I sell a bit here, I sell a bit there....."

Reminds me of this joke.

he Pope Dies and Goes to Heaven

The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He's met by the reception committee and, after a whirlwind tour is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad recreations available.
He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, and spends the next eon or so learning the languages. After becoming a linguistics master, he sits down in the library and begins to pore over every version of the Bible, working back from the most recent "Easy Reading" to the original script.

All of a sudden there is a scream in the library. The angels come running to him, only to find the Pope huddled in a chair, crying to himself, and muttering, "An 'R'! They left out the 'R'”.

God takes him aside, offering comfort and asks him what the problem is. After collecting his wits, the Pope sobs again, "It's the letter 'R'... the word was supposed to be CELEBRATE."