@Verstehen Said
Dear reader... im sorry to alwys having to be the one to write the most depressing of entries.. for people who do know me... they know im funny, smart.. giving loving caring... one of my friends actually called me a 2nd Guardian angel to others and I am grateful for that title.. However... over the last few days .. I have been having a tough time with my boyfriend of 3 years.. if you're a previous reader of my journals you would realize the hell ive been thru..so anyway...the other day I came upon a question...
I asked him if he ever dreamt of his ex.. i mean she was his first everything... and that to me seems natural that in the past.. he would have done that.. he looked at me at said he never did.. that enraged ever part of me.. because I have been forgiving of almost every hurtful deceiving lying s*** he has ever done to me... but days later after time apart.. I called off our 3-4 year relationship... It hurts alot.. and I know many of you may think this is minor.. but to me.. its like for him to be lying over this .. it seems like he is putting her over me.. I walked away and ended our relationship..never to return again... plz tell me if I am wrong..
Dear Friend,
I had read your posting on the night you placed it here. I didn't respond to it, then, because you had already told me, in a different 'place' that you were severing your involvement with me, on all levels, and I felt that it would be unwise to push the issue.
[For any casual readers here, I wish it to be understood that I am not the boyfriend that Verstehen is referring to in her OP.]
Since then, however, you have decided to open your mind to my thoughts again, and have requested that I add my opinion to this thread, and I shall do so, forthwith:
Your dilemma is, as others here have pointed out, of your own making; and you have accepted, or can appreciate, what Eaglebauer has told you. The brains of each of us are filled with a complicated mix of thoughts and memories. Some of those thoughts continue to evolve, seemingly, even while we are having them, but there is no guarantee that two people will ever have exactly the same thoughts about a particular subject, or experience the same kinds of psychic behavior... The respondents to this thread have, for the most part, been critical of you for even posing the question that you did, "Do you ever dream of your ex...?" without attempting to understand why you would even ask. Instead, some offer their own logical reasons why you should not be asking that question, at all! I am going to postulate that you have had a very good reason to ask that question, only because I believe I know a bit about your temperament and sensitivity, as well as the information that you have revealed to me about your own personality, because of your health, life-style and studies, and past experience with this boyfriend. So, while you may have every right and reason to ask your (now) ex-BF about his dreaming, you cannot, with certainty, determine that his response is either truthful or not. Whatever it may have been, it certainly did not meet your expectations! Your suspicions of him, now, are the same ones that you had confirmed, earlier. He had left you once before, and returned to his ex-girlfriend, and put you through misery. Correct me if I am wrong, but you took him back, under your wing, so-to-speak, and gave him another chance at forging a lasting relationship with you. You have had your own doubts as to his loyalty and devotion, since he returned to you, and you have been trying to ignore those doubts. Finding that to be impossible, you had decided to give him a chance to remove those doubts by posing the question that you did. His response did little to remove the doubts that you had. Your own personality seeks the confirmation of the love and devotion of your partner. Would it have made a difference if he had told you that he never dreams of his ex, but he does dream of you constantly? Perhaps,... but, he didn't say that. By his not saying that, you feel that he had (without words) declared that he doesn't dream of you, either. This is why you have come to the decision that you have arrived at. Based on his answer to your question, I cannot say whether breaking up with him was the right thing to do. However, I do feel that you did the right thing, based on other things that you have either showed or told to me. I speak here, for instance, of the pictures of the two of you, together, and the dispassionate look, the absence of even a hint of affection....
You have decided that this (now ex-) boyfriend was not going to be your life-companion, and you feel depressed because the dream of an everlasting love seems to have vanished. Pick up your head, and continue the search. All is not lost forever. You just have not found the right one, yet.