Teenaged girls

My 14-year-old is interested in the normal stuff for girls her age (make-up, clothes, boys and so on), which is fine with me because she needs and deserves more independence now. Sometimes, though, she and her friends go a little over the top with the amount of make-up they wear and the somewhat 'revealing' clothes they like. I know it's natural to start being more grown-up at this age but I do worry when they go out to parties and clubs (13-16 nights locally) as they all look older than their years. I don't want to make her life a misery saying 'no' to everything and I don't, but I would like any ideas from people in my position about how you approach your kids so that everybody is happy (not always easy or possible, but you keep trying, don't you?). She knows she can talk to me about anything and I will help her with any problems (if I can) so there aren't communication problems (yet!). And if there are any teenaged girls reading this (my daughters age or slightly older), how do you and your families approach this subject? I'm not being patronising, I genuinely would like to know so that I can be fair to my daughter whilst being a good enough, responsible mother.

you sound a very good mother. you seem to have the balance right between wanting to protect her from trying to be older than her years and from being over protecting and spoiling her fun.

Well, we're trying to get the balance right and on the whole we seemed to have managed so far. She is a decent girl so it hasn't been bad for us but obviously over the next few years things will change and develop and we need to be adaptable towards her whilst still doing our job. Thanks for your encouragment. There's no instuction book, is there? Ah, well.

Sometimes you just have to say no! I never really had that problem with my parents because I never really went out in revealing clothing.

Perhaps discussing with her the implications of her style of dress and who it might appeal to would be a good path to go down. I'm sure she really doesn't want 30 year old guys letching all over her.

No, she doesn't and we have discussed the clothing thing, which she does listen to. But then her and her mates see something in New Look or whatever and they all fall in love with it, so she's torn between wanting to wear it but not looking OTT. Thanks for your advice, saying 'no' sometimes is the only way.

Its a difficult line to tread, we dont want to infringe on self-esteem issues nor do we want to stop them being fashionable if that is how they are inclined. If new look or top shop happens to say that short pinafores or bustiers are the fashion of course they want to wear them.

There is nothing wrong with a short skirt on a young girl if you put some leggins or thick tights underneath, same for low cut tops, you can throw another top underneath or a mesh one over the top just to stop it being that little too much revealing.

It might be worth going through with her on the net some images on the shop websites and seeing how they co-ordinate the clothing and how you could make it a little more age appropriate. You never know, she could be setting her own trends.

As treebs said, there's plenty of ways of making a rather revealing outfit less revealing. I have to say I do this myself as I'm not one to flash the flesh,

Leggins area genius invention as it means you can wear stupidly short things without exposing yourself. As well where low cut tops are concerned i wear a tank top underneath if it's long sleeved or wear a high cut long sleeved top if it's short sleeved/sleeveless.

she can have the outrageous outfits and tone it down by pairing it with things that cover her up a bit more.

You're both quite right, she can get creative with the odd layer or two. Shop website brilliant, she can adapt for herself. Anyway, it's too damn cold for exposure, at the moment.

tell her she'll get frost bite and her arms will fall off

She and her mates never seem to get COLD. They trail off without anything warm on and seem to be immune to the weather. How does that work?

I was the same I'm only 19 now but at like 13/14 I never felt the cold, I'd walk round jumper and coatless and now I just pile the layers on.

Ah, well, perhaps she's more normal than I thought, it's just painful to watch.

When I was a teen I would wear skimpy clothes in the winter and never felt the cold. I used to keep clothes in the trunk of my car so my mom wouldn't know all I had
I think you got some good suggestions here. My mom still freaks if I wear something that shows cleavage

You've all given me some really helpful suggestions and I'm to use them. WHY didn't you get cold? I'm freezing indoors with multiple layers. Must be older than I thought.

I'm 18 and I like dressing fine. But my best friend won't let me out of the house if it's borderline revealing. At clubs when dressing conservative I even have a better time. At 14 she might be a little immature to cope with that, but that's what you're there for.