TFS User-Generated Relationships/Marriage Advice

@smilelove Said

Seriously?

@DiscordTiger Said

on that note, never storm out in a fight without your keys and wallet, because having to slink back into get them totally ruins the melodramatic exit.

@magicgoat Said

It makes it more difficult to get to work on time if she's feeling vindictive and wants to hide those items.

@DiscordTiger Said

See that is where we vary, I would not put up with that sort of abuse from a partner. It would only happen once, not be something that needs a contingency plan.

@Tar Said

Love yourself before you get into a relationship.

Know yourself before you get into a relationship.

Accept that we are all flawed and no one is beyond reproach.

Always speak with "I feel" instead of "you do".

Never lie... EVER. No "white lies" no "fibs" and no "liberties with the truth" or "bending". Be absolutely honest with your partner, always. No negotiation

Love like its the first time. Don't make your partner pay for your past hurts. If you can't, then go back to lines 1 and 2

Say "I'm sorry", then figure out a plan to fix it, then follow through

Keep your promises!

Concentrate on each other's good qualities, but work together on how to improve on each other's weaknesses

Spend time together, QUALITY time in which you both interact. This does NOT include watching TV together.

Exercise together. Keep each other active and healthy

Support each other, emotionally, physically, mentally, etc.

Have lots of sex, even when you don't feel in the mood. If you aren't in the mood a lot, find out why not and work on it. Sex is VERY important as it often acts as a bonding agent between mates.

Laugh together

Tell stories to each other, personal ones.

Encourage each other

Remind each other how proud you are of the other

Discuss all the big decisions together, and most of the smaller ones too. (the petty ones you can usually do without).

Don't raise your voice during arguments. The louder you WANT to scream, the quieter you SHOULD speak.

Live together as if you are trying to set an example for what relationships SHOULD be... because you are. Your children will look to you as an example, so be a good one!

@Drgnfly83 Said

110% this!!!

@Tar Said

Don't get complicated if the basics have not yet been fully understood. So... essentially, no. No surprise parties. Why? Yes, they are cute and sweet, but the small sacrifice of that vs the big gaping window you leave open for people who are liars that will use that window for bad things... its worth the surrender.

@puzZles Said

Its good to be vigilant, not paranoid.

@DiscordTiger Said

on that note, never storm out in a fight without your keys and wallet, because having to slink back into get them totally ruins the melodramatic exit.

@DiscordTiger Said

See that is where we vary, I would not put up with that sort of abuse from a partner. It would only happen once, not be something that needs a contingency plan.

@magicgoat Said

I can almost see that wisdom working for me if my children weren't involved.

@DiscordTiger Said

I do know it is harder with children, but in the end parents need to provide them with at least a safe environment. I don't advocate separation lightly, but if that's what it takes to keep children safe and healthy, then do what needs to be done. It sucks yes, but its much better than letting things escalate until someone shoots someone else in the eye with a shotgun.


*not that I am saying you're in that bad of a situation, just in general, abuse is bad, and it does escalate, and it can be dangerous.
**and I watched a show last night where someone was commented their grandmother was a big mean woman who shot her husband in the eye with a shotgun.

@magicgoat Said

I can almost see that wisdom working for me if my children weren't involved.

@Dark_Tink Said

I left an abusive relationship when my daughter was 6months old. No way in hell was she going to grow up in an abusive household.

Don't use your kids as an excuse. Kids would rather be from a broken home then IN a broken home.

Your kids mental and physical health come first when you are a parent.