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Silly_Me On April 22, 2020




In a cave, United Kingdom
#1New Post! Aug 24, 2011 @ 23:30:27
My friend had a visit from the police this afternoon breaking the news that her husband had been found dead in his car, so far, all that I know is he took an over dose and rigged his car so it would fill up with fumes, I'm still in shock, I went straight to my friends house to offer some comfort as soon as I'd heard, obviously,the family are devastated, he leaves behind a wife, a 20 year old son and a 13 year old daughter.

I've had some people say to me its a very selfish act and some have said how brave to go through with killing himself.

I've never suffered depression nor been in a situation so desperate, that I can claim to have an insight as to what he was going through.

It was only a few days ago that he was in my house chatting to myself and my hubby, I would never have guessed a few days later he would be dead.

It's such a hard thing to come to terms with, how can I best offer my support, I'm so worried for my friend, she's got drinking issues and her hubby seemed to be the sound one of the family, I'm worried she's gonna totally fall apart and the kids will be minus 2 parents.
Oisin On January 27, 2012




Glasgow, United Kingdom
#2New Post! Aug 24, 2011 @ 23:32:49
unfortunately i've known a few people who have killed themselves and nobody will convince me of anything other that it is a cowardly act and the most selfish thing a person can do.


oh, except assisted suicide dudes, that i am fine with.
chief_big On June 12, 2013




haggisville, United Kingdom
#3New Post! Aug 24, 2011 @ 23:36:43
@Silly_Me Said

My friend had a visit from the police this afternoon breaking the news that her husband had been found dead in his car, so far, all that I know is he took an over dose and rigged his car so it would fill up with fumes, I'm still in shock, I went straight to my friends house to offer some comfort as soon as I'd heard, obviously,the family are devastated, he leaves behind a wife, a 20 year old son and a 13 year old daughter.

I've had some people say to me its a very selfish act and some have said how brave to go through with killing himself.

I've never suffered depression nor been in a situation so desperate, that I can claim to have an insight as to what he was going through.

It was only a few days ago that he was in my house chatting to myself and my hubby, I would never have guessed a few days later he would be dead.

It's such a hard thing to come to terms with, how can I best offer my support, I'm so worried for my friend, she's got drinking issues and her hubby seemed to be the sound one of the family, I'm worried she's gonna totally fall apart and the kids will be minus 2 parents.

either she makes or she doesn't, theres nothing really you can do, it's the kids you should become close to........... that's if you really care.
Think about it she is what she is, and what she is going to do has nothing to do with you, but if she had one wish it would be for her kids to be well.
Anywho like I said she is a sum of her mental conditioning and perception now, best leave her to it and focus on conditioning the kids to like you. Even if she doesn't go over the edge she will need help with taking care of the kids, so build a bond and earn a right to be present if only fo the kids.
chisa96 On December 29, 2014
Supreme Goddess





Out in Nature, Wisconsin
#4New Post! Aug 24, 2011 @ 23:41:48
This is completely unhelpful, and I'm so sorry for it, but how can any parent do that to their children? What kind of damage is that going to do to someone at 13 years old? Life is already confusing as hell without adding a parental suicide to it. I don't care what you're going through; you don't do that to your children. You're supposed to protect your kids.

I guess my advice is to take really good care of that teenager. Take good care of everyone really, but be particularily aware of how the teenager is coping.
Silly_Me On April 22, 2020




In a cave, United Kingdom
#5New Post! Aug 24, 2011 @ 23:42:12
@Oisin Said

unfortunately i've known a few people who have killed themselves and nobody will convince me of anything other that it is a cowardly act and the most selfish thing a person can do.



Seeing the devastation, I can understand why you think that, do you think when someone does commits suicide, they believe its in the interest of their families and therefore, in their own mind, a selfless act? he was such a doting dad, I can't believe he didn't give a second thought for the kids

He apparently told his wife he'd felt he'd had let them down?
DuLu On January 11, 2017
CHOOSE HAPPINESS!!!





Waverly, Washington
#6New Post! Aug 24, 2011 @ 23:43:28
yes, you can be there for the kids, and be there for her to -- like have her back so to speak, but you can't change her. But if there is a little lite in her life, she can make choices to change herself.
sister_of_mercy On March 11, 2015




London, United Kingdom
#7New Post! Aug 24, 2011 @ 23:44:31
First of all I'm so sorry for your loss, I hope your friend is as ok as can be expected

Suicide is a selfish act to those who don't understand the mind of a suicidal person. When you feel that depressed you don't think rationally. You think that rather than causing people pain by dying, you're doing them a favour as the world is better off without you. When you have that mindset you feel like there's nobody you can turn to, despite there being friends and family about. To the suicidal person they wouldn't understand or wouldn't respond in the way they want, so they choose to deal with it themselves. They just want a way out, a solution and that's the only thing they can find.

It's a horrendous thing to go through, but nobody is to blame.

People who are that depressed tend to be very good at hiding it. If he seemed like the most together one then chances are he was just trying to balance out everyone else, must have put a lot of pressure on him.

As far as comforting your friend goes, I'm not sure. Just listen to her and keep an eye on her. Make sure she has immediate family around and maybe get her to talk to a professional about it to get her through the grieving process. The important thing is to make sure she doesn't feel completely alone.

I can't begin to imagine how awful it must be.
Oisin On January 27, 2012




Glasgow, United Kingdom
#8New Post! Aug 24, 2011 @ 23:47:13
@Silly_Me Said

Seeing the devastation, I can understand why you think that, do you think when someone does commits suicide, they believe its in the interest of their families and therefore, in their own mind, a selfless act? he was such a doting dad, I can't believe he didn't give a second thought for the kids

He apparently told his wife he'd felt he'd had let them down?



after the last guy i knew killed himself i was speaking to a friend of mine, we were both friends of the guy. my friend was of the opinion that you can't judge someone for killing themselves as you don't know what is going on in their head and it obviously must be bad for them to consider doing such a thing.

my point was that he is a f***ing pussy because no matter how messed up his head was, he had a responsibility to his young daughter and his wife who are now going to struggle through life because he's selfish.
Silly_Me On April 22, 2020




In a cave, United Kingdom
#9New Post! Aug 24, 2011 @ 23:50:28
@chief_big Said

either she makes or she doesn't, theres nothing really you can do, it's the kids you should become close to........... that's if you really care.
Think about it she is what she is, and what she is going to do has nothing to do with you, but if she had one wish it would be for her kids to be well.
Anywho like I said she is a sum of her mental conditioning and perception now, best leave her to it and focus on conditioning the kids to like you. Even if she doesn't go over the edge she will need help with taking care of the kids, so build a bond and earn a right to be present if only fo the kids.



I'm very close to her kids already, I offered to bring the youngest home here already, like I have done many times in the past, In fact, the youngest even has her own 'put you up' bed here, she best friends with my daughter and have been since they were babies. but today, she wanted to stay with her mum understandably. I intend to stay close, but this is something I don't understand, a physical illness can be explained, suicide is something I don't have answers for
sTreetAngeL On April 22, 2021
root tedt ree





in a paradox,
#10New Post! Aug 24, 2011 @ 23:51:50
That is terrible. I feel so badly for the family; and of course friends of this person. Especially when it's all so seemingly sudden, and no note left behind to offer any sort of closure.

The most I can suggest you do, is BE there for her, as well as verberally tell her often that you are there; even if that is all you say. She will appreciate it, and remember it later.
Often times talking is no of much help; but having someone's silent company means the world.

Also, help her with her daily chores. The market, cleaning, wash, etc...Don't even ask her if she needs such help, just dive in and do it for her.
She is going to need all of the help she can get through this awful trying time.
chisa96 On December 29, 2014
Supreme Goddess





Out in Nature, Wisconsin
#11New Post! Aug 24, 2011 @ 23:57:30
@sister_of_mercy Said

Suicide is a selfish act to those who don't understand the mind of a suicidal person. When you feel that depressed you don't think rationally.



Okay, again I'm really sorry for butting in with trivial stuff, but I hate statements like this. Many people actually have an extensive grasp of what it means and what it's like to be depressed, and they still think it's selfish.

Please don't write off such opinions because you disagree.

(And now I promise that I'm done posting anything but advice and prayers for the family. I'm sorry again; it just really gets to me when people with children do these things.)
Eaglebauer On July 23, 2019
Moderator
Deleted



Saint Louis, Missouri
#12New Post! Aug 24, 2011 @ 23:58:25
I have experience with suicide on a number of levels. I've known a few people who have taken their own lives...spoken to several who were on the brink of the act...and (the worst) spoken to many people as part of my job who have just found loved ones that have committed the act.

The number one thing you need to instill in your friend is that she cannot accept the responsibility for this. Even if there were things she did to make his life less desirable for him, his decision to kill himself was not hers.
sister_of_mercy On March 11, 2015




London, United Kingdom
#13New Post! Aug 24, 2011 @ 23:59:35
@chisa96 Said

Okay, again I'm really sorry for butting in with trivial stuff, but I hate statements like this. Many people actually have an extensive grasp of what it means and what it's like to be depressed, and they still think it's selfish.

Please don't write off such opinions because you disagree.



I'll write what I like thanks, to me that statement is perfectly valid. It coheres with my personal experience so I'm going to write it. If you don't like it then you don't have to read it.
Silly_Me On April 22, 2020




In a cave, United Kingdom
#14New Post! Aug 25, 2011 @ 00:03:36
@sTreetAngeL Said

That is terrible. I feel so badly for the family; and of course friends of this person. Especially when it's all so seemingly sudden, and no note left behind to offer any sort of closure.

The most I can suggest you do, is BE there for her, as well as verberally tell her often that you are there; even if that is all you say. She will appreciate it, and remember it later.
Often times talking is no of much help; but having someone's silent company means the world.

Also, help her with her daily chores. The market, cleaning, wash, etc...Don't even ask her if she needs such help, just dive in and do it for her.
She is going to need all of the help she can get through this awful trying time.



That's good advice, I will do that, she gave 100 to take her daughter shopping for her new school uniform today so she didn't have to worry about getting her kitted out.....also she she didn't spend it on drink! I'll do that when her daughter feels ready to venture out. I can't believe 1 child can have so much to deal with in her 13 years of life! she's had it so hard!!!!!
chisa96 On December 29, 2014
Supreme Goddess





Out in Nature, Wisconsin
#15New Post! Aug 25, 2011 @ 00:04:27
@sister_of_mercy Said

I'll write what I like thanks, to me that statement is perfectly valid. It coheres with my personal experience so I'm going to write it. If you don't like it then you don't have to read it.



Why wouldn't I read it? I read lots of things that I disagree with. And I don't write them off as the other person not understanding. It helps one to gain experience on a given topic.
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