Step mother is Jealous of her 7 year old step Daughter.

My daughter in law is jealous of my son's daughter from a previous marriage.
At the time that she and my son were dating she had no kids of her own and she loved my grand daughter like she was her own . But now 6 years later my daughter in law has two kids of her own and my son and her have moved away from the town they met in and where his ex wife and daughter TT still lives. TT is in grade school now and can only come for two months out of the summer . My son and TT have a very strong father - daughter relationship , he has never been a day late or a dollar short on his support payments and they talk on the phone twice a week . This is nothing new , his new present wife Kim knew all this during the 2 1/2 years she and my son dated . But since her first child was born 4 years ago she has fought each and every thing from the amount of support he pays (which is more than twice what the the courts ordered ) to the summer visits . The only changes in the situation is their move the move and TT being in school now. The support payments are the same and the bond he shares with TT remains te same. He is just as good a daddy to his two children with Kim as he ever has been to TT. This summer when TT showed up she was here almost a full week when Kim came up with a plan to make her so miserable she would beg her dad and her mom to let her go back to her moms before she had spent 2 weeks with her dad. Kim was telling TT that grandma Kate(me) didn't love her , that her dad really didn't love her but just said he did so her mom wouldn't take him to court , that we all really only loved Kim's kids ,,,Kim would call TT a f***ing whiny brat b**** ... well you get the idea .
When TT' mom called for their regular weekly phone call TT was so miserable she was begging to please go home. When my son told me all this , my first thought was to go over to Kim's house and beat the day lights out of her, but on second thought ,that would really be something healthy for the 3 grand kids to watch wouldn't it ? So instead I called TT's mom and ask if it would be okay for TT to stay with me for the rest of her visit and if we could just make it 'the plan' for her to stay with me every summer while she was here. My son and I live less then a mile from each other . TT's mom was agreeable and my son and TT are walking on air , but now Kim has decided I am no longer acting like a real grandma should and she is telling her kids who I have seen almost daily since they were born , that grandma Kate does not love them .
Now I have no worries about any of my grand children and the bonds I have with them .
She is a fairly good mother as long as my son keeps after her about the house cleaning and care of the kids . She has thrown fits saying she was leaving and my son tells her she can go, but the kids stay . As long as my son as a handle on his situation I have stayed out of it . This is the first time I have really stepped in and become involved. I have made it clear several times that if ever the time came that she (Kim) put any of the kids in danger or neglected them I would step in and back my son to the end of time. My son has always said out right in front of both Kim and I , " Thanks mom , but this is mine and Kim's deal and please stay out of it" untill now.
What I am posting this thread for, is some real advise or links to information that I can use to make Kim snap that she is pissing in her own cereal bowl.
Now before they were married and TT would go for weekend visits Kim seemed like she would make a good mom to any children she might ever have and a good step mom to TT. She had everyone fooled .

If your son wants you to stay out of it, then stay out of it. parents should not be involved in their kid's marriages. All that leads to is resentment.
Just be there for him if this all comes tumbling down for him.

Ouch that's really horrible. I think that the girl needs to get a good a** whoopin personally.. I think he needs to leave her if that's the case. But that's just my opinion. He seems like a level headed man that deserves a hell of a lot better of a wife..

That is exactly what I have done by having TT stay with me , he was at his wits end and just about two shakes away from running his wife off , when TT's mom called him and told him we had talked and TT could stay for the entire summer visit , he calmed down . I have not spoken to Kim since he brought TT and her clothes to my house. And I have told both him and TT mom I would not be interested in discussing the situation with either of them , I have done all I am going to do in making it possible for TT to have all the time she can with her dad. What I was thinking I would do is print out any linked to information or real advise and give it to my son to share with KIm . I personally do not know if I could keep my cool if I was face to face with her at this point .

To me, that's still getting involved though, but you know your son best. If I'm having problems with my partner (not that I ever have currently), the last thing I want is my mom involved. Even printouts would piss me off.

I have to agree but at the same time disagree about her needing an a** whopping , agree because of the way she made TT feel , but disagree because myself or her dad going to jail for doing something like that would make a bad situation worse.

Oh I know. I was half kidding. Well, more then half. I just hate hearing about a situation like that. Some people are just generally miserable and have to make everyone around them miserable too. You seem like a very sweet and understanding person by letting TT stay with you. That was very very nice of you. I just hope that the wife realizes what she's doing from time to time and stops.. It isn't right to tear a kid from her father, or turn any kids on their family like that.

If it was just problems between him and his wife I wouldn't even give it a thought. And at this point except for taking TT in , thoughts are all I have 'given' the situation . My son did say a couple of days ago that being a single parent scares the hell out of him , but in the next sentence he was telling me how he would go about changing his schedule to fit in with getting his son to school in the mornings and his youngest daughter to a sitter and be able to be there after school with them . I offered to help out if he needed me to but did not try to help him with his decision or his schedule changing thoughts.

That's the perfect thing to do in this situation

Thank you for saying that . But it goes way beyond nice .
I took TT in for her and her dad's sake. But I am enjoying her company so much that I almost feel like I'm doing it more for me then for them .

Wow, that's a tough situation. I don't think that there is anything you can do to snap her out of it. People don't change unless they want to. They could try counseling, but she's not going to get anything out of it unless she wants to. I guess what I'm trying to say, is if shes okay being the way she is... she's probably going to stay that way. Some people just weren't cut out to be parents... unfortunately, they are. It sounds like your son is a good father though, so maybe he can make up for her shortcomings.

That happens a lot,My wife didn't like my yongest when we married.She knew I didn't want any more kids and used to look daggers at him,until she caught me staring back at her,with a look of thunder in the eye's.

So far he has been able to keep her 'focused ' on her two kids with out having t carry to much of it all on his own . But this treatment of his oldest is just wrong wrong wrong. It takes a real big person to make plans to make a 7 year old so miserable she cries to go home less then a week into her 2 month visit that she looks forward to all though the school year .




Did your wife let it be known before your marriage she didn't like your youngest ? Is the reason she didn't like your kid because she wanted kids ? I realize I m being nosey .I am trying to get an understanding about why a woman would go into a marriage knowing before hand that their soon to be husband has kids in his life and the kids will be in his life for the rest of his life . Then after the wedding act as if some one had changed the rules or some thing.

Did your wife let it be known before your marriage she didn't like your youngest ? Is the reason she didn't like your kid because she wanted kids ? I realize I m being nosey .I am trying to get an understanding about why a woman would go into a marriage knowing before hand that their soon to be husband has kids in his life and the kids will be in his life for the rest of his life . Then after the wedding act as if some one had changed the rules or some thing.