Smoke in the house

, United States (general)

Jul 23, 2009 @ 19:39:44

My mom has been trying to quit smoking for a couple months now. I have tried to be as supportive as possible, talked to a "quit coach" for advice, looked up weekly smoking cessation groups for her to go to, recommended quit smoking websites to her, gave her what I thought was motivational information on the benefits of quitting smoking.

I've told her I understand it's a tough process, that I'm proud of her for trying and cutting back, and I've steered away from throwing info at her that's meant to scare smokers into quitting. I've always thought that a bit ineffective and very annoying anyway.

Anyway she claims that she is smoking less now, and that when she does, she goes outside. I do think she makes an effort to go outside most of the time, but not all. There have been nights at 3 or 4 in the morning when I've woken up because there was a cigarette smoke-like smell in my room. (I finally figured out one night in my half asleep daze that opening the window and turning on the ceiling fan helped, but we have central air and it's silly to keep the window open with the air on.)

Anyway, I recognize that smoking is totally legal and it IS her house, not mine, so she should be able to do what she wants in it. But it also bothers me that she would continue to smoke in the house knowing it lingers up to my room. I try not to complain too much, but I guess I don't know what to do when I can't even breathe in my own space sometimes.

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carlstss

Derby, United Kingdom

#2

Jul 23, 2009 @ 19:44:06

well the smell and the actual smoke are two differnt things if its actaul smoke then tell her its affecting your health aswell but if its just the smell there not much to worry about.

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eternus_somnium

clinically crackers

, United States (general)

#3

Jul 23, 2009 @ 19:59:48

My mom is the same, except she's not cutting back while taking the pills. Idk what to tell you really, if she's gonna do it she's gonna do it. Maybe you can talk to her about how it's affecting you, and let her know that while it's difficult for her to quit, it's also difficult for you to breathe when she smokes inside.

Didn't work for my mom, but maybe it will for yours...I have asthma and my mom still smokes so much around me that it affects my breathing, and I smell so much like smoke people think I smoke too.

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annski729

, United States (general)

#4

Jul 23, 2009 @ 20:05:49

She's borrowed a sweatshirt or jacket from me a couple times and I always have to wash it because it smells like smoke.

But I can deal with that because it doesn't really inconvenience me all that much - I just wash it and it's no longer a problem.

I have talked to her about it, that's when she's told me she smokes outside. When I told her I appreciated her doing that but I still smelled it in the house she didn't really have an explanation for me

I guess I could push the matter further but I really don't want to seem annoyed with her since I am genuinely happy she is trying to quit.

I guess it's inconvenient for her to go outside when she gets the cravings at certain times, but it's also inconvenient for me to not be able to sleep.

0

Vizzy

, Florida

#5

Jul 23, 2009 @ 20:08:19

What about getting an air purifier for your room?

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annski729

, United States (general)

#6

Jul 23, 2009 @ 20:10:41

@Vizzy Said

What about getting an air purifier for your room?

We've had cheap ones in the past that didn't work too well. My bro recently got one for his room but I don't have that kind of money to spend

I also will be living back at school in about a month, so maybe I should just deal with it and open the window at night.

If I could find a good one for under 100 bucks or so I might consider it.

0

MlissaBeth

Wait for it!

Tucson, Arizona

#7

Jul 23, 2009 @ 20:21:45

@annski729 Said

My mom has been trying to quit smoking for a couple months now. I have tried to be as supportive as possible, talked to a "quit coach" for advice, looked up weekly smoking cessation groups for her to go to, recommended quit smoking websites to her, gave her what I thought was motivational information on the benefits of quitting smoking.

I've told her I understand it's a tough process, that I'm proud of her for trying and cutting back, and I've steered away from throwing info at her that's meant to scare smokers into quitting. I've always thought that a bit ineffective and very annoying anyway.

Anyway she claims that she is smoking less now, and that when she does, she goes outside. I do think she makes an effort to go outside most of the time, but not all. There have been nights at 3 or 4 in the morning when I've woken up because there was a cigarette smoke-like smell in my room. (I finally figured out one night in my half asleep daze that opening the window and turning on the ceiling fan helped, but we have central air and it's silly to keep the window open with the air on.)

Anyway, I recognize that smoking is totally legal and it IS her house, not mine, so she should be able to do what she wants in it. But it also bothers me that she would continue to smoke in the house knowing it lingers up to my room. I try not to complain too much, but I guess I don't know what to do when I can't even breathe in my own space sometimes.

I'll smoke outside, and if the screen door gets left open, I can smell it in the house. It sucks.

You can't really make your mom quit. She will have to do that. As you already know. I would suggest maybe getting an air filtration system for your room maybe? And making sure the air vents are cleaned often.

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kaydoh

nottingham, United Kingdom

#8

Jul 23, 2009 @ 22:07:48

If she is a 'stress' smoker, ie, she smokes to calm her nerves hassling her about quitting won't work, trust me on that. There's a fine line between supporting someone and hassling them. I am sure you are only doing what you think is best and I'm not having a go at you in the slightest. Just enphasise the good points that you noticed, like how much she has cut down, do something nice for her or whatever. Whatever you do don't criticise her if she puts on weight, it's a secret fear of everyone who quits. One of the worst feelings when you're trying to quit is that you think people don't understand how tough it is and it's like you are fighting alone and believe me it is tough to quit so you just need to let her know that you feel for her, if she lapses don't make a big thing of it, give it a couple of days then suggest she tries again.

Good luck to both of you!

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annski729

, United States (general)

#9

Jul 23, 2009 @ 22:23:33

@kaydoh Said

If she is a 'stress' smoker, ie, she smokes to calm her nerves hassling her about quitting won't work, trust me on that. There's a fine line between supporting someone and hassling them. I am sure you are only doing what you think is best and I'm not having a go at you in the slightest. Just enphasise the good points that you noticed, like how much she has cut down, do something nice for her or whatever. Whatever you do don't criticise her if she puts on weight, it's a secret fear of everyone who quits. One of the worst feelings when you're trying to quit is that you think people don't understand how tough it is and it's like you are fighting alone and believe me it is tough to quit so you just need to let her know that you feel for her, if she lapses don't make a big thing of it, give it a couple of days then suggest she tries again.

Good luck to both of you!

I know you're not having a go at me

I don't really hassle her about it. I've politely talked to her about it bothering me but I always am extremely careful to word it so that I'm not "annoyed," if that makes sense. It's possible she misinterprets me and it's possible I don't phrase things in the best way, sure. But no, of course I wouldn't criticize her for putting on weight. And for the feeling alone part, that's why she went to a couple cessation groups I found for her - she said it was good discussion since everyone really understood each other.

This isn't really about her quitting smoking though, it's just me trying to resolve the problem between her being inconvenienced in smoking outside and my being inconvenienced in not being able to breathe sometimes when she chooses not to go outside

And thanks!

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Edited: July 23, 2009 @ 22:24

Vizzy

, Florida

#10

Jul 23, 2009 @ 23:45:43

@annski729 Said

We've had cheap ones in the past that didn't work too well. My bro recently got one for his room but I don't have that kind of money to spend

I also will be living back at school in about a month, so maybe I should just deal with it and open the window at night.

If I could find a good one for under 100 bucks or so I might consider it.

Maybe look around on freecycle. Put a notice up. Maybe one will come your way. In the meantime, like you said...just open the window. If your mom doesn't want the window open adn the ac running then she should stick to her word and smoke OUTside.

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annski729

, United States (general)

#11

Jul 24, 2009 @ 01:04:24

@Vizzy Said

If your mom doesn't want the window open adn the ac running then she should stick to her word and smoke OUTside.

True...you know I never thought about it like that?

I just feel badly because it's a bit wasteful.

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curiouskat

Deleted

Adelaide, Australia

#12

Jul 24, 2009 @ 01:10:47

Ive always smoked outside, as i have young kids.

However i have friends who do smoke indoors and their curtains turn yellow, the paintwork is damaged and it hangs in the air for days..

Revolting..

0

darkangel28

im a maplestoryadict

damn it started snowing again,

#13

Jul 24, 2009 @ 05:05:34

did u know there are pills that u can buy to take to quit smoking and they are supposed to be really good and they really work my brother in laws friend went on them and quit within the first week he didnt have any cravings at all they are kinda expensive but from what i hear they work.

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puddiz2009

, United Kingdom

#14

Jul 24, 2009 @ 07:47:47

Hello there,
I totally understand you, it's a difficult matter specially if it's her house.
I've had a similar case a week ago when two of my partners relatives came to spend a week in our apartment. They both smoke, quite a lot and, although we asked kindly that they didn't smoke in the house (mind you, I've still have blocked nose a week later because of the smoke)they wouldn't understand that that meant not walking around the house with the litten cigarette or going from the bathroom to the balcony with it. It was nightmare and I believe smokers just don't realise how anoying the smoke is for non-smokers. They finally gone and unfortunatelly next time the want to come I would have to make up something to prevent them coming.
Thanks, I need to have a say about this.
Hope your mother finally quits smoking which will be better for all.
Have a nice day

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sister_of_mercy

London, United Kingdom

#15

Jul 24, 2009 @ 07:55:24

@curiouskat Said

Ive always smoked outside, as i have young kids.

However i have friends who do smoke indoors and their curtains turn yellow, the paintwork is damaged and it hangs in the air for days..

Revolting..

My parents smoke in the house and you're pretty accurate. It's disgusting,I'm actually embarrassed to have my friends round sometimes because it smells disgusting and air freshener doesn't really cover it without suffocating everyone in the room.

Good luck to the OP, my grandma has been trying to quit for about as long as I can remember, if your mother doesn't want to quit, even subconciously, it will be hard to convince her to stop.

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