@MangoMan Said
Hello everyone!
....I look forward to your responses.
I've just read through your 'expos?' on yourself, and come away with some distinct impressions, based solely on your own words.
A. You don't want your "good form to be disrupted by having a "daughter" in my life."
B. You have already provided yourself with the excuse for not seeing this young girl. "What stops me from contacting them is money. I don't have enough to give this 12 year old."
You are presently in what I would call a selfish mode. While you may now feel "wiser and mature," you have a bit more of a journey to make through life. While you may feel that you should meet her, you are advising yourself against such a meeting, at this time.
I can appreciate how this thought of an abandonment can gnaw at ones conscience, but you should also pause to think about how a possible meeting between you and your daughter will come to affect the lives of others. In order to introduce yourself to your daughter, you will have to re-introduce yourself to your ex-fling.
You will be placing yourself into an 'unknown situation,' since you (apparently) have no direct knowledge of what -- if anything! -- the mother may have said to her daughter, about the existance, or non-existance, of her father.
You have said that you "declined to play" your part as parent. You now feel remorse for the decision you have made. Unless and until you have been contacted by your daughter, I would advise you to wait a while longer.
If you would like to shorten the waiting period, I would suggest that you discretely contact the girl's mother, and first express -- to her -- the anguish that you have felt and still feel about your indiscretion. If you encounter any resistance, you should remain quiet and continue to wait... If you do not encounter resistance, you may ask to be introduced to your daughter, and you will, no doubt, be pleased if the answer is yes. You will also have to be man enough to resist regretting that the relationship may cost you, and that it may cost you more than just money.
Should you find, however, that you will have to wait until your daughter is 18 before you will be availed of the opportunity to meet, the situation will be even more sticky... Will she know of you, at all? Will she want to?
The pickle you are in is of your own making. No matter what you hear, the experiences that one shares or endures are the consequences of one's own choices in life. Usually, in response to something as simple as "should I, or shouldn't I?"
As before, the action you take will be of your own choosing. I have only tried to make that apparent, to you.