Sex After Marriage

Guys always jokingly say, "I had all the sex I ever wanted, then I got married." It's a funny statement but there's also some truth behind it. But why does it have to be that way?

I have known my wife for nearly 13 years and I love her very much. We have a little 3 year old daughter and there never seems to be any "us" time anymore. We have always had a pretty healthy sex life but things have gotten rather cold over the last several years. I've tried talking to her about it but she never wants to address the topic. Then I get depressed. My buddies tell me that I should go have a fling with some girl.

What should I do?

Don't have a fling.

If you love your wife and family like you say you do you'll seek a different kind of advice.

Not unless you want to split your family up?

Don't have a fling. That s*** tears families apart - would you really want to upset your daughter like that? Take that from someone who's experienced it

I don't know what you should do, but the fact that she doesn't want to talk about it seems to be quite arrogant behavior on her behalf. If people have relationship problems, they must be discussed, or they will never be solved.

Having been married I can tell you that most of the time i was exhausted by the time i got into bed.

However whenever taken on holiday i turn into a rampant sausage beast.

So take your wife on holiday so that she is not exhausted at bed time.

How is not discussing it arrogant on her behalf, maybe he's approaching the subject in the wrong manner.

Maybe she's having a tough time discussing it, maybe she's totally aware of the situation but is worried about the knock on effect it's having on their relationship?


Not always that easy to talk about your problems.

There are always two sides to a story and we only have one side here, there could be 101 different reasons why the intimate part of the relationship has deteriorated and and another 101 reasons why she wont discuss it. You could maybe try marriage counselling, if she cant talk to you she may be able to talk to someone neutral to your situtation.

I accept your point. "arrogant" was, a poor choice of words, but I couldn't think of a word that describes a person who has a problem and doesn't want to talk about it even though it is important to their spouse, the other party in the relationship is not being considered here, it seems quite selfish to me.

I know I've posted advice like this before....something about not being into the cliche romantic stuff, but I'd think that after 13 years, you know what your wife is into - as well as what she's not.

My only suggestion to you is that you allow her some down time away from being 'Mommy' because 'Mommy' usually isn't thinking about sex. Then when you are in the mood (if she's not), don't just ask her if she wants to have sex, or tell her that you do. Work up to it.

If she's genuinely having problems, you might benefit from counseling. But, personally, I wouldn't want to talk about intimacy with a third party that I didn't know.

Cheers! Im gonna put off marriage til 40.

Definitely don't have a fling. That's the worst thing you should do. The best thing to do is approach your wife seriously. If she can't talk about it then, schedule a time when you guys can sit down and have a serious discussion. Communication is always the key.

Good luck.

All very good advice, thanks. The number 1 reason why I married her was because I couldn't imagine life without her. I couldn't imagine life without my daughter either. I think that she has a problem talking about it because it's a difficult topic and I think that she sometimes feels guilty that we aren't as intimate as we used to be.

I like the advice about romancing her as if we weren't married. I think that we both have gotten stuck in a routine and by the end of the day we're both very tired. Short little weekend vacations might also help to renew the spark.

Thank you very much folks for all the great advice.

I dont recommend a fling either. You should really try to work on the sex within your marriage. Try to spice things up. Try something sexy to turn back the hands of time. Perhaps a bit of lingerie, some toys, etc. If all else fails...have a fling!..lol...no seriously, you have to give it a serious try.

It has to be that way because the concept of marriage creates the psych condition of what you can't do. Getting married literally creates problems where they would be none otherwise.

And maybe you're insensitive to your wife's obligation to the baby. Perhaps your idea of talking to her about the relationship is more like antagonizing her over things you nor her can help. If that's the true case, then it's reasonable for her to ignore you.

Are you sure that you're not depressed over thinking about all the fun you could be having weighing against your better sense telling you to stay true?