@iEaTcRaYoNs Said 
Okay, I didn't know where to put this topic at, so I decided this category...
My dad and I have never had a 'great' relationship. He's actually been a jerk my whole life. Not to just me, but to everyone EXCEPT for my oldest brother. Growing up with my dad he'd always yell at my mom and I. My mom would get yelled at even more if she stuck up for me. When I was in high school he told me on numerous times that I'd never make it anywhere in life. My mom even told me he told her that when I graduated he'd have my stuff packed and on the front pourch when I got home. Luckily he found another job in another city, so he moved out. There will be days when he'll be really nice and act like nothing ever happened, but it's hard for me to get past it. I now take things out on my boyfriend. I went to a therapist and I spilled everything out to her about my dad. I then went on to tell her about how I get angry at my boyfriend for reasons I don't even know. She told me she believed it was because without me knowing it the little things my boyfriend does reminds me of my dad. Things such as when my boyfriend joked 'It's my car, I'll listen to MY music.' I blew up on him. My dad is getting old and I know 19 years is a long time to be lost, but I kinda want to mend our relationship. For once I'd love to be called 'daddy's girl', but I have a feeling it's too late. I know it hurts my mom when my dad and I fight, but I can't stand being put down any more.
Now my question is...
What should I do? Should I try to mend the relationship before it's too late? If so, how? I've tried talking to him, I've even wrote an essay about it, but when he read it he got really mad and started yelling. Saying things such as 'I am not like that! I do treat her fairly'
Please help.
Your father will never change I suspect. The only thing that can change here is your expectations of him.
You have plenty of time to decide whether you want a cordial relationship with him, or none at all. Your dad is probably a very unhappy guys and I suspect he feels quite guilty about how he acted when you were a kid - thus his reaction to your letter.
I think he may be too proud to ever admit that to you. I understand what you need to hear, but in all likelihood you will never hear it. He's just not that kind of guy.
And your therapist is right - not just your boyfriend, but any guy who acts like your dad will get you mad sometimes. Being aware of that is a huge step in itself. Not dating guys like your dad will help enormously too.
In time, what he thinks will gradually matter less to you. In the interim there's no reason you can't call occasionally and keep in touch - he is your father after all. If that becomes too painful, reduce the amount of time you talk to him. You should protect yourself most of all.
Jun 09, 2009 @ 04:08:45
