As a 22 year ex-navy man (finished my time in '97) I have to say to Army Wifey that she's not the first and won't be the last to find out what separation is all about, nor what it is to worry about having a husband serving in a combat theatre.
I was in the Falklands in '82 and in Gulf War 1 back in '91 so I know what I'm talking about.
Now, I don't want to sound unsympathetic and uncaring but this is how it is for service wives. If you knew he was in the military when you married him, then this is what you let yourself in for.
I hope Army Wifey has her family around her. Parents and brothers and sisters and close friends are the best form of support. They should draw closer to you and be there when you need them. My wife drew on her family rather than other navy wives. All the navy wives did was depress each other and drink too much.
Do you have kids..? Mine were too young to know what was happening in '82, but they sure as hell knew what was going on by '91 and yes, my wife had to settle them down when they cried at night for daddy because of what they'd seen on the TV news or what the other kids at school were talking about.
It's hard. God knows, it's hard and I truly sympathise with you, Army Wifey. But in the purely hard-nosed scheme of things you have two choices.
1. You talk to him when he comes home and tell him it's too much and you want him to leave the army.
2, You support him in his career, grow a thick skin and stop complaining.
Neither is an easy choice and you might be asking him to do something he doesn't want to. I knew of a lot of wives who took option 1 only to find out that their husband thought more of the service than he did of her. For some wives, putting that proposition can achieve an un-desired for outcome. It happens.
Difficult isn't it?
Being married to a serviceman is tough, there is no getting away from that. I could sit here and pour platitudes all over you but perhaps somebody needs to put into words the hard options, and tell it like it is warts and all. I hope you'll understand where I'm coming from, because my wife has been where you are and we did the hard time and the difficult conversations. We were lucky. She bit the bullet and supported me. I came out of it at the other end in once piece and with my marriage intact. Some of my mates didn't.
I truly hope your bloke comes home to you safe and sound. I hope his homecoming is a joyous occasion for you. But now you're finding out that marriage to the armed forces can put you through emotions and worries you didn't know existed, you might like to think deeply about what the future holds and where you want to take your lives together, or your life on your own if it be so.
Good luck and best wishes. I really mean that.
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