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My step dad and I don't have the best relationships. Thankfully we live over a 1000 miles apart and don't have to put up with each other much. He and my mum live in Spain and I am in England.

A few years ago during a visit to Spain after too much drink we got into a verbal fight and both said some things we shouldn't have, for my part in it I later did apologise and things were smoothed over. I haven't been over to visit them for over six years, until last week. We never really chat on the phone but I figured it was ok and that we could be civil especially as I was taking my son with me.

I guess I was naive. The hostility started the moment I got off the plane. He wouldn't look at me much less communicate.during the three visits I made to their home he barely spoke to me and never once spoke to my son, who is only five. In fact he just scowled at him most of the time. I tried to let it wash over me but it was tough going to say the least. I wanted us to get along at least for my mothers sake as she was so looking forward to our visit.

By the third visit my sister and her husband had come to stay at my mothers (we had our own apartment). She agreed with me that I wasn't imagining the hostility and the atmosphere was terrible. My step dad had cooked a meal and it was the worst meal time I have ever endured, everyone was on a knife edge. In the end he made some cutting remark about my son not eating vegetables and went on to say that in his day children ate what they were given or went without. To which I said well thank goodness we don't still live in the dark ages!. It was one of those conversations that was about something other than what was being said if you catch my drift.

So anyway it was clear it was time to leave and we were not welcome so we went back to my apartment. What is upsetting me now is that my mother is blaming me for everything and that's just not fair. She never came to see me again and never even said goodbye when we left Spain yesterday. I don't expect her to take sides but it seems she has chosen to dismiss our relationship entirely.

I feel really sad and feel like I have returned home licking my wounds. There was no need for him to behave like this, I certainly never went with the intention of arguing but after three days of being treated like something he trod in enough was enough!!

im sorry to hear you had such a rough time while you were over there. it must have been especially hard with your little boy with you, who will no doubt have picked up on the tension too. the fact she at first agreed that you were not imagining the atmosphere clearly shows that she has felt it too, but most likely wishes to ignore it. such a shame that this will now affect your releationship with her as well as her relationship with her grandson i do hope you will be able to forge a relationdhip between the three of you in time without his interference

It was my sister who agreed that he was being hostile, my mum said I was imagining it and that he was just tired.. She will defend him to the hilt but I am at the stage of wanting to tell her where to go!

oooh i mis-read it in that case. well, i cant say as i blame you- you did all the running to visit her so maybe she should make the next move, it sounds liek you have done a lot for little thaks, maybe appreciation is a better word more fitting to the situation