News years vacation gone bad, I feel lost.

Today was great, bad, sad, awesome, confusing, interesting, loving, and werid.

I am 19 and just did my first long distance road trip by myself to visit family. Family I never see, due to a busy scedule and so on. I left LA and arived in Tempelton on time when I exspected to.

It has been 5 years sense I visited my cusins or been to there home. Some of my other family is staying here too. Im currently siting in the backhouse on a bean bag contemplating my day and having a momment with god.

This place has changed so much sense I visted last, "which was with my mom at the age of 16". Even as a YOUNG child 5-10 I remember this place being the only place you could see the stars, hear frogs, and howling dogs, etc etc. Tonight I looked up and saw 203 stars, I droped my bags and then stood there lissening, I heard nothing.

I feel so lost... I used to be sooo close with this family, my cusins. Now im a 3rd wheel, A loner in some ways. There is new homes being built around here, and I almost got lost. My cusins have changed bedrooms, David "my closest, like little brother" Has started pubery. They have wood floors no longer carpet, The trampoleen is no longer here. Its all so differnt.

I came here in hopes Of restoring what was lost to me when My parrents got devorced, everything became distant. And now that im 19 and can drive im trying to tie up all the lose ends, and put them back togeather. But life keeps making emotional road blocks.

I dont deal with change very well, Especially in a place that I belived time to be none exsistant. Now I cant stop thinking about the idea of them moving, not now but when the two younglings get out of highschool which would be another 4 years.

My god, what a thought, Then I woudl never be able to visit the memmories I have here because they would no longer own the land. This vacation was supposed to be amazing and damnit it will be. But for now im restless and need some help. Just sitting here on the beanbag still thinking, wishing to talk to someone.

"ps, spelling is bad because the room is REALLY dark and cant see my keyboard"

Cheers....

And I ment to say 2-3 stars, hense the suprise.

Awww, that's awful. I can't deal with change very well too, so I understand you. But you have to realize that things never stay the same way forever, they change. You've come to visit your family expecting things to be the same as years ago, and upon seeing that it has changed you just felt diasappointed. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if you get used to it or look at it from a different point of view.
Sorry if it's sounds a bit complicated.

I feel seperated from everyone as well. Like I just can't relate.

This has been going on with me for years and it happens to alot of others as well. All I can say is if it's in you, try to but if it doesn't come naturally to heart then don't worry about it for the time being.