MySpace & my 12 year old niece. Need help!

So I have this 12/13 year old niece who lives with her grandmother and brother, though the brother is mentally challenged and the grandmother is too old to bother with a computer, much less the internet.

I live about 5 hours away and used to visit more often. She's only recently got a hold of a computer and the internet. All of her school friends had/have a MySpace and since it had spread like wildfire, she wanted in. A few months ago when I visited the family, she was just getting a computer and I set that and the internet up and so on and so forth. Although we (my boyfriend and I) told her not to bother getting a MySpace, if she really wanted one we would be okay with it. My boyfriend and I talked to her about talking to strangers, giving anyone her "personal" information, meeting anyone, calling anyone - obvious things that could potentially put her in danger.

Anyway, I have her log in info (and she knows), so I occasionally snoop and monitor the activity and what I find surprises me. All she ever talks about it, "Who do you like?" "Who do you have a crush on?" "Want me to tell you who I like?" Which, whatever, I get that. She's 13!

What does bother me, is the way she is really, realllllly persistent borderline annoying about it. No, not even really that. It's that she adds random friends (mainly other boys, 1 or 2 girls) that are friends of friends, or people she doesn't know and she starts coercing them into admitting who they like and then she plays the "Really? I wasn't gonna tell you...but I really like you." Which blows me away because she's the "good" kid in the family, now. She's intelligent, soft spoken, not materialistic, and all this other good stuff that even have my boyfriend and I offering her a place to live.

Anyway, recently I found a message she and some random kid were sending back and forth where she asks him what school he goes to and if he likes her picture and she gives him her phone number and advises, "Call me whenever, just ask for Caroline. Tell them you're a friend and nobody will ask questions."

A few other things that bother me are that she apparently gets in fights often at school and just never gets caught, & I'm sure this is just to "impress" friends but her MySpace status and mood are always set to "drunk" or "high."

Now, I have talked to her grandmother about limiting her time on the computer, since she says as soon as she gets home from 3-4 she's on the computer doing "homework" 'til 10p-11pm, which I tell her is unreasonable and highly unlikely since she probably doesn't get a workload that big AND she's failing everything. Her grandmother has threatened to get rid of the internet at her house.

I may be blowing this out of proportion, but it just feels dire. This isn't the kid I have known for years, or if it is, she's hidden it well. I'm not sure whether to talk to her first about the message to the strange boy with the phone number involved or talk to her grandmother and tell her exactly what's going on.

So, help anyone?

I don't really think kids that age should be on the internet.

What does a 13 yr old need a myspace for anyways?

You could always install net-nanny, it has a built in timer for internet usage, and it will shut her out at specific times, or after a certain amount of time.

Some routers also have this functionality.

Hmm, I think you should give her space. Thirteen year olds aren't thick. they know what to do and what not.

I don't think you should do anything, otherwise you could end up fighting with her. What you've seen so far doesn't sound that serious. Just keep monitoring her like you usually do and wait and see if something more serious comes up.

If I'm honest I think you should just give her space. If you're that worried about it then talk to her, but snooping around on her account is not a good way to go about finding out what's going on, it would only make her not trust you and invade her privacy IMO.

I'd like to think 13 years old are savvy enough to be left alone with this, but there are some "what if"s that concern me. I had originally just told her grandmother to cut down her time on the computer to one hour, but I don't think it's doing any good. I talked to my boyfriend about it and he thought it would be good to talk to my niece and her grandmother and tell her what was going on. He thinks it's better to be safe than sorry. "What if the next message is 'Meet me at so and so place at 5 o'clock.'" says my boyfriend, and I'd like to think she wouldn't be that dumb, but it's not like she hasn't lied before. The way I see it, she doesn't need MySpace - she sees all the kids at school.

Why is she not the girl you used to know? She is 13. Ask any parent or grandparent (I am both). She is passing from childhood to early adulthood. Yes, adolescence is where you learn to be an adult.
The difficulty is to advise without preaching, to protect without restraining and to discuss without judging.
Not easy but the first lesson (for you) is to learn to listen without contradicting or condescending. If she can trust you and know you will not get angry, she might just see you as someone who understands and confide in you always.

Dont cut down her time. That will only oppress her and make her feel against you. Thn she'll start trying to get on more and more and she'll feel like she's missing out on something so go looking for trouble.
Seriously, no thirteen year old would go off to a stranger's house. The age limit of 13 is there for a reason. Because they're mature enough to use it.