The childhood I led left the most pain
An endless battle between anger and hate
So hard I tried to pull myself back
An endless struggle that led me to fate.
The flames blazed high and emotions ran away
total confusion, my most horrible day
Driven through a system of punishment was ineveitable
For an accident that was seen as the worst, horrible
I cried so many times my tears could fill barrels
I began craving pain to kill the emotions inside
I wished it all away but nothing came true
the color of my eyes faded from blue
Away from home trapped with others
I couldn't stand it, I felt smothered
I ripped my memories with regret and fear
they screamed so loud, yet nobody could hear
An inside battle took place, back and forth
A whole year I was gone, Now to see what it was all worth.
I dragged along, no longer myself
Glad to be home, However betrayed I felt
I was sent to a hell, Brought back a "better person"
I couldn't help feel that my life was worthless
So much can change in a single year
And that very fact was what I feared.
I slid back in, an unknown person
To know that no one had cared, It left me broken
I tried my hardest to fit in with who I could
But I just couldn't, Confused, I just misunderstood
I got pushed to limits that I could finally supress
My year away had left me stronger, but not at my best
But deep inside it would finally come
The old me that that triggered faster than a gun.
And one day I was told, I need to stick up for myself
And then came the downfall of my cool headed self
I split again reacting with rage
it f***ed up my life, just click and engage
I never thought before I reacted
just went with whatever came first
I should have defended in a way that didn't hurt
In the end The rest of my teen years went by way to fast
Painfull years they were
I regret everyone, Up to the very last
I had so many more downs than I had ups
I was no longer at block one, just stuck in a rut
It came to a point where I had failed all
All i could do now was sit back and fall.
I walked the halls quiet and angry
I looked to be a zombie, a robotic mess
I tried so hard to be happy, But there was too much stress
my emotions had always been extremely strong
but they finally got the best of me, They led me wrong
I left with regret but with hopes for the future
A college was set, Now just to succeed
It lasted a few months, then emotions took over
I had to leave fast, My dreams toppled by a dozer
Fail...Fail...Fail...Fail
Its an inevitable pattern, I can no longer succeed
I have a broken board in the ladder, My life has ceased
Will life ever be better, I'll never know
I just strive to live my life by the day
Maybe someday, A brighter time in my life will show.
Jul 27, 2009 @ 03:47:48
