More gems

@rondetto Said

I’ve just found out that a few months ago the pound shop has been taken over by the 99p shop, it took a while for the penny to drop.

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I was walking along the beach this morning singing puppet on a string, whilst thinking to myself.
This is a sandy shore.

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Rumours that Gregg's are opening their next shop on board an Airbus airliner are just 'pie in the sky'.

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A coach load of people in Belfast went on a mystery tour. The passengers decided to run a raffle to see who could guess where they were going.
The driver won £52.

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Saw a really nice lady in the pub and asked if I could touch her hair and she said yes.
I ran my fingers across her top lip and that's how the fight started.

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I have spotted ladybirds in my garden.

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Gentlemen, I need some advice please .....
If you were given an ultimatum to choose between your wife and a new car, what would you choose.....
A) Petrol
B) Diesel

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My mate said "Your top smells of peppermint!"
I said "I know, it's a polo shirt"

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My wife hates when I use the words "numpty" and "pratt".
So I've promised to make a real effort to learn the grandkids kids' proper names.

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I was doing a presentation in a crowded room and noticed 4 men right at the back.

An English man, a French man, a Spaniard and a German. I asked "Can you gentlemen see me from there?"
Reply
"Yes"
"Oui"
"Si"
"Ja"

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I've got a pair of Oasis tickets for 30th July 2025 Wembley.
Looking to swap for a 3 bedroom end of terrace property.

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