I was brought up in the country. Where we lived there were only four houses.
One of the neighbours had twins, and they were so alike no one could tell them apart.
I noticed the boy was half an inch taller than the girl!!
In my house the curtains are drawn.
Everything else is real!
Just got off the phone to the parents.The family dog wants doggie Spanish lessons for Christmas....apparently he thinks he’s Espaniol.
A Scottish Soldier, in full dress uniform, marches into a pharmacy. Very carefully he opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton bandana, unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square handkerchief, which he also unfolds - to reveal a condom.
The condom has a number of patches on it. The chemist holds it up and eyes it critically.
"How much tae repair it?' The Scot asks the chemist. "Six pence" says the chemist. "How much for a new one?" "Ten pence" says the chemist.
The Scot painstakingly folds the condom into the silk square handkerchief and the cotton bandana, replaces it carefully in his sporran, and marches out of the door, shoulders back and kilt swinging.
A moment or two later the chemist hears a great shout go up outside, followed by an even greater shout.
The Scottish soldier marches back into the chemists and addresses the proprietor, this time with a grin on his face. "The regiment has taken a vote," he says. ”We'll hae a new one.
I was asked to help design the first Monopoly board.
I thought "I'll give it a go".
I went to my local last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.
I said, "Good legs."
The woman giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
I went to the chemist and told the girl behind the counter, "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."
Lady assistant: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"
I said "No... She's not that bad looking"