Teacher: Why don't you brush your teeth? I can see what you had for breakfast this morning. Student: What did I have?
Student: You're wrong! That was yesterday!
Recently moved to a new city, I was eager to meet people. So one day I struck up a conversation with the only other woman in the gym. Pointing to two men playing racquetball in a nearby court, I said to her, "There's my husband." Then I added, "The thin one--not the fat one."
After a slightly uncomfortable silence she replied, "And that's my husband - the fat one."
A husband and wife are watching "Who Wants To Be a Millionaire," and the husband winks and says, "Honey, let's go upstairs..."
The wife says no, so the husband asks again. Again she says no.
So the husband says, "Is that your final answer?" The wife says yes.
The husband says, "Well, can I phone a friend?"
I have no objection to people being spontaneous, I just think there is a time and a place for it..
A number of fans are flying off to Hawaii to celebrate the life of the “To Sir With Love” singer.
They’re going to Honour Lulu.
The doctor just came into the hospital waiting room after my wife's accident. "How is she doctor?" I asked.
He said, "I'm afraid your wife has got a nasty gash!"
"Well, I know that doctor," I told him. "But what about her injuries?"