Moral Support

Hypothetical Situation:
You have a friend Who whenever they are in need of a metaphorical shoulder to dry on, comes to you, and by and large you are there for them with supportive words of comfort, regardless of how small a non-issue it is, and how much you secretly think they should grow a pair and move on. HOWEVER, you have recently noticed that they are less than quick to comfort or reassure you when things are less than perfect, despite hints like "I just need to talk it over with someone".

What do you do
a)Make your feelings known in such a way that they could not misunderstand that a friendship is a 2 way street.
b)Walk away as this person obviously couldn't give a rat's arse about you.
c)Put up with it as this person means a lot to you, despite how much of a millstone they may be.
d)Carry on, but the next time they need support remind them who wasn't there for you.

I know what I've done in the past, just wondered about everyone else. And maybe interested to know if other people think I may have been a bit harsh.

if "a' don't work.
kill em

Old saying but worth remembering:

"Your friends are those who know all about you, but like you anyway"

You can't really expect your friends to behave in the same way as you, if it's not in them to be a soggy-shoulder for you then they'd only be faking it, and who wants friends who fake things?
Accept that they're different and find someone else who can be more supportive, friendship isn't a contract, it's a mixed blessing at the best of times.

for me, i find it more easy to talk a woman than a man. because you are closer to your mother. that make easy for a man to talk a woman. with men, it seem to in my past. the society are in the past, a man doesn't share things with another man. i think it some sort of standard principle that men are conditions in the past. in the past with your grandfather or even go back to great great grandfather. it wasn't a proper thing to open to another man, in public. only in a secret place, really a secret place. back then, if a man was a gay, the man probably would have been killed. the best way to explain what i am said, the society in the man's world back then. it was a taboo to open up to another man. nowdays, it is very normal, and very health to talk another man about your problem actally, the society in encourage it. if a man has take a change to open another man with problems, how else, would trust a friend?

So what your saying, is "It takes a lot to open up to another man, if a man dose open up to another man this is a a sign that they trust you a lot, respect your friend for having that much trust in you"?

Interesting as I didn't say whether the person in question was a guy or not, and in fact I was careful to avoid any Masculine description "They" and not "Him" etc.

It also doesn't answer the question, is him avoiding helping you with your emotional problems not betraying the trust you have put in him in wanting to talk through your problems.

The only person that should fake it in a relationship with you is your missus...

Anyway... being serious, I agree. There's no point talking to friends that don't care - you may as well talk to a wall or something. Not all friends are the same, and friendship is not necessarily reciprocal. There are those that you talk to, those that you listen to etc.

Friends are people too, and there are more variations of friendship than there are people in them. If YOU are truly a friend then you'll recognise and accept another's strengths and weaknesses, and hope that that is reciprocated. NOT being your soggy-shoulder is NOT a betrayal at all, it's just being themselves. Are you a good friend for expecting them to be something they're not? Many of my friends I wouldn't dream of imposing my personal emotional matters on, others will be there without being asked, and yet some others will be there even if I'm not comfortable sharing with them in particular, yet I still consider them all good friends. Some of them turn to me in times of trouble, and others don't, I don't expect or insist on either course, I just be there for them in whatever role they choose for me, THAT is being a friend IMO.

But if it seems that every contact with you they, or at least the majority, they are producing more negative energy than positive and that you are having your positive energy sapped from you, regardless of what you do, is that then not a sign that maybe they wont change regardless of what you do. AND maybe you should re-evaluate the friendship?

If you expect a person to change to suit your requirements then are YOU truly their friend?
I'd suggest not.
If you feel they are draining your "positive energy", whatever that is, the I'd say the fault lies within you , not them?
If you don't like their style, attitude, behaviour, why do you call them a friend in the first place?
IMO a friend doesn't demand others suit them, that's totally self-centred isn't it?

They probably believe they are too inexperienced to be of any help; hence why they're always asking you for you help.

e)--be your own best friend. To the extent you're able, offer support, but don't expect anything in return. Emotionally disentangle yourself from this person as you now begin to emotionally disentangle yourself from all people. You are a rock. Trust no one

I agree with Bob and Marcus.

Each of us, our friends as well, have our own strengths and weaknesses.
If he/she is not there for you in a reciprocal ways, perhaps he/she
has been/will be the 'go to' person in other areas during your times of need.

Definitely, it is a sign if you -- upon further reflection .... after the fact ....
are dealing with repercussions that affect your life/thoughts in a negative fashion
(beyond the "I can handle/I want to handle/it's okay" level) ---- definitely
it may be a sign/clue for you to re-evaluate the friendship.

Or at least be less available. It's good to offer any friend/acquaintance
support, but not if and when it is repetitive to the degree that it repletes you,
puts you in at least a 'psychological' half-empty mode. In this case, wait (or rather
''choose'' times to interact with your more needy friends when you are 'full'.

This ain't rude, it's necessary. Can't be there for friends/acquaintances or family
if one allows themselves to be drained/depleted/depressed to the overwhelmed degree.

Either reevaluate the friendship, or, redefine it.

Some friendships are fairly neutral and both parties give and receive, but other friendships you just give and give yet receive nothing in return. In other words, some friends are just plain draining if not debilitating, and when around them they will seek to suck all the life out of you that they can because they have no life of their own. I have a few friends like that. I tend to avoid them at times simply because I do not have the ability to just unrelentingly give. I do not think there is anything wrong with needing time out from those types of friends either, to be honest.

I wouldn't give up on them entirely, but I would and do limit my time with them.

Don't know how they could mean a lot to you with this type of treatment going on. Or maybe they did, but now that lack of give and take is wearing on you.
I would just give them their own medicine. Don't be surprised if your so called "friendship" removes it self from you though. Some people only know HOW to take. Never giving back. In which case, consider yourself lucky to be rid of them.

That is pretty much how it happened, and looking back on the post, I cant even remember why they came to my thoughts. Like you say they DID mean something to me, then when they never made contact with me unless they wanted something, when I carried on with my life, it became obvious what the friendship meant to them.