@Sparklegirl Said
Have the need to vent so here I am! I had a very good male friend who I was close to despite him living outside of England, we shared everything. I helped him to get over his OH when she dumped him- I showed him from a girls perspective whay she may have thought and did what she had. Conversley, he gave me a male perspective on my ex who had not treated me well- he made me see that i was ok after all.
we were close and told each other everything, he moved on and i helped him out with his new potential girlfriend. i genuinely trusted him and thought he was worthy of my trust so it came as quite a shock to discover that he had basically abused my trust and broke confidences. i have found out that he has told people some stuff i shared with him and as he was the only person who knew this infomration im in no doubt it is true. my friend approachd me and asked me if X was true or at least did i know what she was talking about becuase she had been told by somebody else who was given the infomation by this so called friend.
As if that wasnt bad enough it then comes to light that he has a conviction for something quite reprehensible. he was worried that this infomration might be made public by his ex so he talked to me about it jsut so i heard it from him first. he claimed that he entered into a plea bargain to receive a lesser sentacne although he maintains his innocence. He only had to have counselling instead of a long prison sentence- which yes does sound more appealing but i have to question why would a man admit to abusing children when he (apparently) didnt? he is on the sex offenders register now
Obviously this came as a total eye opener as i had never suspected anything of the sort before. I was in utter shock as he was supposed to be my best friend and now he turned into somebody i just dont recognise at all. He insists he didnt touch his daughter and there are doctors reports showing no signs of anything untoward. Surely if this was the case then he should not have had to enter into a plea bargain and confess to somethig he did not do becuase there was no case to answer?? something feels a bit wrong to me
So this girl he has pursued has fallen for his charming personailty which I can see how she has. The problem as I see it is the fact she is 24 & he is 43- an age gap is not waht I dislike, its the fact that she is the same age as his daughter that he was acused of abusing by his wife at the time. At first I didnt care too much for this girl but as we spoke more I have got quite friendly with her and have to admit im a little worried about her
She knows all about this story he has told us but is completely on his side and just cant possibly see that he might have done it. She beleives him and trusts him implicitly, never doubting his innocence. She lives in England too so they have never met but im worried at the pace their relationship is moving. within 2 weeks of talking to her he told her that he loved her. within 3 weeks he proposed numerous times and was persistant with her. She has agreed to marry him and they plan for her to fly out in December and marry without telling her family. All of this is a worry for me- she has asked me to be bridesmaid!! as Im against this whole situation I dont feel that would be appropriate, plus im not flying all the way over there for it
They are looking at the legal impications of her being able to have children and not being removed at birth due to him being on the offenders register. Im shocked a few weeks ago she had no idea who he was, jsut met him on a forum and now she is about to marry and have kids with him. She knows he broke my trust and told people my infomration but she says that she can see why he did it. If he was happy to tell other people personal stuff about me, why she thinks he wont do it to her is beyond me. He is a piece of work- seems he gets women to send photos of themselves in variosu states of undress and posts them on a porn website but she wont accept this either.
I have talked to her and explained my concerns to her clearly, calmly and unemotionally but she cant see what my point is. She wants an education- training to be a vetenary nurse but she wont have the opportunity over there as she wont be able to afford it so she is giving up her dream before she has even been able to start it. She has already told me that he is controlling- he seems to dislike her talking to me as he is jealous of this. To me, all the signs are there but she cant or wont see them. I agree we can all be guilty of that- I should have listened to the warnings about my ex but as I loved him I ignored my family. Of course, there was no violence or abuse with my ex and he was not a convicted paedophile.
All of it worries me but it is not my choice, all I can do is be there for her if (when?) it all goes wrong. I will keep being there to talk to and gently try to help her see what she might be getting herself into. Ok so yeah that's my rant of the day!
Wow, you are a friend to have. You have gone the extra mile to inform her of what your fears are. One thing you could do is talk to him and let him know if anything happens to her you will be on him like Ugly on an Ape, and will need to deal with your wrath.
Take a stand and refuse to be at their wedding. Do Not Endorse it.
J.R.