The Forum Site - Join the conversation
Forums:
Jokes & Humor

Medical sentences

Reply to Topic
AuthorMessage
Silver_Lining On March 21, 2023
RIP Boobie





STOKE-ON-TRENT, United Kingdom
#1New Post! May 19, 2010 @ 14:36:17
These are sentences were actually typed by Medical secretaries in NHS Greater Glasgow, Scotland.



1. The patient has no previous history of suicides.



2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.



3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.



4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.



5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.



6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.



7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.



8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.



9. Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission.



10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.



11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.



12. She is numb from her toes down.



13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.



14. The skin was moist and dry.



15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.



16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.



17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.



18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.



19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy.



20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.



But Wait! There's more.............



The last few:



21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.



22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.



23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.



24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.



25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.



26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.



27. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.



28. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel.



29. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.



30. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.



31. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.



32. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.



33. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
plebian_angel On April 25, 2012
Intergalactic hussy





a great future,
#2New Post! May 19, 2010 @ 14:38:06
sTreetAngeL On January 24, 2022
root tedt ree





in a paradox,
#3New Post! May 19, 2010 @ 15:45:44
8, and 21
Reply to Topic<< Previous Topic | Next Topic >>

1 browsing (0 members - 1 guest)

Quick Reply
Be Respectful of Others

      
Subscribe to topic prefs

Similar Topics
    Forum Topic Last Post Replies Views
New posts   Health & Fitness
Tue Jun 28, 2011 @ 07:44
0 632
New posts   Jokes & Humor
Sat Oct 31, 2009 @ 13:32
3 360
New posts   Rants & Raves
Tue Jul 21, 2009 @ 23:17
3 454
New posts   Politics
Sat Apr 07, 2007 @ 10:08
1 420
New posts   Politics
Fri Nov 10, 2006 @ 01:10
14 1996