It's me again with more funnies

@rondetto Said

Visited my doctor today.

He told me my sugar was too high.

So I came home & moved it to a lower shelf.
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Two women get on a bus and were fighting over the last available seat. The bus conductor had tried unsuccessfully to intervene when the bus driver shouted: "Let the ugly one to take the last seat."

The two women stood for the rest of the journey.
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Did you know that on the Canary islands there's not one single canary.

And on the Virgin isles it's the same there....not one single canary.
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The dominos society is organising a trip to the seaside next Friday.

Knock if you can't go.
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I gave the last of my pastry to a couple of pigeons and smiled to myself because I realised I'd filled two birds with one scone.
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Me: “I’m going to San Jo - Zay for my holidays”

Friend: “ San Jose? It’s actually pronounced Ho - Zay. When are you going?

Me: “Ok then, have it your way, 1st week in Hune and 2nd week in Huly”
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I walked into a police station and said 'I've come about the job.

The sergeant replied 'what job'.....

I took him outside and showed him a poster titled 'man wanted for house breaking'
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My wife and I decided we don't want children. It was a difficult decision, so we're going to them tonight.
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So I said to this bloke, "I work in an up-market department store".

He asked, "Selfridge's"?

I said, "No, I'm in the jewellery department".
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On my first day at school, me and my twin sister were put in the same English class.

The teacher then asked everyone to give one interesting fact about themselves.

'I'm actually a twin, and me and Jem were born on the 23rd of February making us Pisces.' I said.

'Jem and I' responded the teacher.

'No, definitely Pisces' I said.
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I just met Phil Spector's brother Crispin.

He's head of quality control at Walkers.
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