It's me again with more funnies

@rondetto Said

There were these three sisters, Anne, Jan and Fanny. Anne and Jan went on a double date and their date said: "Wow, you both have really big feet."
Anne said: "You shoukld see our Fanny's...they're massive."

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My Grandad reached 110 yesterday.
That's the last time I get in the car with him driving.

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Man: I cannot sleep at night, I keep seeing donkeys playing football.

Doctor: I am giving you some medicine, start using it tonight.
Man: Can I start tomorrow?
Doctor: Why tomorrow?
Man: Tonight is the cup final.

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The only thing I can take seriously in the newspapers these days is Fish n chips. And even that I take with a pinch of salt.

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I went for an Indian last night ..Well it was his own fault he kept staring at me !

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Breaking news: historians believe that they've uncovered a cache of pencils that once belonged to William Shakespeare. A spokesperson said, "They're so badly chewed on the ends, we can't tell if they're 2B or not 2B."

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Everyone in our town wears woollen jumpers that are a size too small...
We’re a very tight knit community.

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Surgeon: Well, the good news is that we saved your right hand, but the bad news is that you lost 3 fingers.
Patient: Will I still be able to write with this hand?
Surgeon: Maybe................... But I wouldn't count on it.

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I've been off work all week because my pet cow is sick.
My boss thinks I'm milking it.

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A lady asked me if I would help get her a job as a professional scrabble player.
I put in a good word for her.

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