I feel a little depressed today,

It's Monday and I'm flipping through sort of sad songs. I'm not totally sure why I'm sad. I guess part of it is the way I'm wishing that everyone would cut through the BS and tell me the whole truth for once. I also have a question I wonder if I should ask and it's getting more urgent the more I try to ignore it.

I think my mum might have had a miscarriage when I was little. My gran was showing me some of the letters that my mum's sent her over the years (and even one my uncle sent to my mum when he was stationed in Berlin telling her how boring Berlin was) and one of them must have been just before Mum's thyroid issues were diagnosed. In it she listed some symptoms my aunt had found that matched hers - the list included miscarriage. There's also been stuff before like that time I said I'd kind of like a little brother but my dad had enough kids already so maybe it was Mum's turn and gran said she didn't think that would happen but wouldn't say why.

But even Mum is BSing me lately so I don't know if I should ask. It would be an awkward conversation but that's just one of the many truths I'd like to know. It's selfish but I feel like there's only really hope if I can get someone to tell me the damn truth for once.