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I asked about the meaning of death...

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galastaray On June 08, 2016
honey bucket


Deleted



Honey Bucket, Reunion
#1New Post! Sep 22, 2010 @ 19:56:58
A few nights ago, I was up in the mountains in our summer house and over there my parents have a family friend over who's wife had passed away due to cancer many, many years ago. Anyways, one night, just before he was about to walk home, I followed him out to the front gate to say bye to him (it's a custom here) and he suddenly asked me about how I was doing in my studies. I had told him it was okay but that I had felt uneasy about what I wanted to study in university. Anyways, moving on through the conversation, I ended up telling him about the possibility of me taking philosophy, and at that moment he seemed a little surprised that I had mentioned it. He asked me what I liked about it and I told him about how asking questions of the unknown seemed healthier than not asking anything at all and accepting life the way it was. He asked me what I meant by the unknown (I'm sure he knew), and I said death, for example. I told him how thinking about it was scary but also healthy because it allows you to open your mind to different ideas and possibilities. He agreed but then he asked me why I thought it was scary and I just smiled and laughed a little (didn't know what to say, honestly). He then went on to say:

"You're afraid of dying? Let me ask you a question: Why worry about death when life is staring you right in the face? Either live your life with joy and welcome death, or live your life with fear and accept death."

He said all that in Arabic, of course. I'm not even sure I got all his words down correctly because by the time we finished talking, I had stopped repeating the lines in my head so I could run home and write them down. So to hear a man of well over 60 years that lost his wife say this... Is somewhat thought provoking. I don't know what to make of it, exactly. It makes sense... But it seems hard to do.
someone_else On August 30, 2012
Not a dude.


Deleted



American Alps, Washington
#2New Post! Sep 22, 2010 @ 20:09:44
It is hard to do, but it makes perfect sense.

If you spend all your life worrying about death, rather than living your life, you're going to miss it.
galastaray On June 08, 2016
honey bucket


Deleted



Honey Bucket, Reunion
#3New Post! Sep 22, 2010 @ 20:23:02
@someone_else Said

It is hard to do, but it makes perfect sense.

If you spend all your life worrying about death, rather than living your life, you're going to miss it.



Exactly. But I felt really sad when I thought about it later. Sure, he's telling me to go out and live my life, but it felt so strong coming from him. From a man with not much longer left ahead of him without a wife. I hope I'm as brave as him when I'm old.
someone_else On August 30, 2012
Not a dude.


Deleted



American Alps, Washington
#4New Post! Sep 22, 2010 @ 20:35:54
@Galastaray Said

Exactly. But I felt really sad when I thought about it later. Sure, he's telling me to go out and live my life, but it felt so strong coming from him. From a man with not much longer left ahead of him without a wife. I hope I'm as brave as him when I'm old.



I think that his bravery might stem from regret. You say his wife died a years ago, he probably has reflected on all the things that he wished they'd done together but have now missed out on.
galastaray On June 08, 2016
honey bucket


Deleted



Honey Bucket, Reunion
#5New Post! Sep 22, 2010 @ 20:58:00
@someone_else Said

I think that his bravery might stem from regret. You say his wife died a years ago, he probably has reflected on all the things that he wished they'd done together but have now missed out on.



Wow... Maybe... This is too sad.
tariki On September 16, 2012

Deleted



, United Kingdom
#6New Post! Sep 23, 2010 @ 07:36:12
@Galastaray Said

A few nights ago, I was up in the mountains in our summer house and over there my parents have a family friend over who's wife had passed away due to cancer many, many years ago. Anyways, one night, just before he was about to walk home, I followed him out to the front gate to say bye to him (it's a custom here) and he suddenly asked me about how I was doing in my studies. I had told him it was okay but that I had felt uneasy about what I wanted to study in university. Anyways, moving on through the conversation, I ended up telling him about the possibility of me taking philosophy, and at that moment he seemed a little surprised that I had mentioned it. He asked me what I liked about it and I told him about how asking questions of the unknown seemed healthier than not asking anything at all and accepting life the way it was. He asked me what I meant by the unknown (I'm sure he knew), and I said death, for example. I told him how thinking about it was scary but also healthy because it allows you to open your mind to different ideas and possibilities. He agreed but then he asked me why I thought it was scary and I just smiled and laughed a little (didn't know what to say, honestly). He then went on to say:

"You're afraid of dying? Let me ask you a question: Why worry about death when life is staring you right in the face? Either live your life with joy and welcome death, or live your life with fear and accept death."

He said all that in Arabic, of course. I'm not even sure I got all his words down correctly because by the time we finished talking, I had stopped repeating the lines in my head so I could run home and write them down. So to hear a man of well over 60 years that lost his wife say this... Is somewhat thought provoking. I don't know what to make of it, exactly. It makes sense... But it seems hard to do.



Yes, hard to do. With me, what I worry about is what I worry about. I find I can't just sit down and decide. I think we have to open to our fears, and not suppress them. We can then gradually learn a bit about ourselves. If we have some "ideal" in mind of what we would like to be, and of what we should or should not be worried about, I think we can live in illusion, and the illusions are never broken.

What someone else said about regret is indeed sad. Yet the same applies. Long ago, on another forum, a lady spoke of the death of her son. When she spoke of the longing to hold him just once more, and tell him once more she truly loved him.........it was, and is, heartbreaking. Yet seeking to avoid the heartbreak - perhaps with some "ideal" of letting go in some sort of pseudo-evolved trancendence of personal pain - is no option.......if we wish to grow.

Staying with our regrets. In Christianity this could be seen as "sharing the cross of Christ". It is how the world, is in part, redeemed. But it seems to me that each and every faith would have its guide.....

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.


(Rumi)
Richard142 On February 15, 2015




Greater London, United Kingdom
#7New Post! Sep 23, 2010 @ 09:41:03
This is a sensetive thread. Death is hardest for those who remain. Grief is both personal but also sharred with family and friends. No one's grieving will be the same.
I agree with someone else who wrote that if one is too preoccupied with death and dying then one's ability to live is compromised. Our best act of respect for those who have died is to make something of our lives and the education of our children. Death is essential for evolution to be possible. This does not make death any easier for the survivors, nor to those with painful terminal illnesses. Life is harsh and often seems unjust. Being positive and productive aren't easy.
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