I Want Him (BFF) and His Trust Back!

This month, I unwittedly betrayed my best friend's trust. How? By contacting of relative of his. I was drinking and messaging his sister, on Facebook, about how he was important to me and if I became rich, I want him on my will. The point is I did something he didn't like and ignored his boundaries (which wasn't the first time). To reach me a lesson, we agreed to be estranged until the summer.

I messed up. He's my rock. He means the world to me. I wish I could give him a hug, right now. I want him and his trust back.

Now, at the summer, when our estrangement is over, he said I could slowly earn his trust back.

Now, over the years, I got infatuated with people who I thought were worth my time. However, I'm not exaggerating with him. I knew him since 1992. He's beautiful, inside and outside. He's intelligent and more mature than I am. He believes in openness and honesty. He would never intentionally hurt anyone. Even, when I moved away, 8 years ago, with a broken heart and joined the military in later years, I never truly forgotten him.

I moved back to the St. Louis County, last year. Despite my struggling of now or in recent years, he would respond when he could, unlike some other people. Also, we spent time together, on Christmas. Before, I would be attracted to guys (and a few girls) who would hurt me. I don't understand why. Anyway, despite my grief, I thankful he's in my life and we are in closer proximity.

When we reconciled, I wanna start anew. Losing him completely would be like losing a precious rare gem.

Any advice on my situation?

He would never intentionally hurt anyone.

To reach me a lesson...

I don't like the way that sounds. Tread with caution. That's all I can say.

I know...but he's not bad.

Not to mention, he's mad that I go outta boundaries after being told not to.

What bothers me isn't the reason he was upset...I'm not even sure it was the action. What bothers me is that you said, "to teach me a lesson."

I'm not sure if it bothers me about him, about you or about your relationship but it sounds for all the world as if he actually isn't as good as you think but one or the other of you has you convinced that he is so you'd justify anything bad that he did.

On the other hand, I might have read too many psychological thrillers. This is why all I could say is tread with caution.

A boundry should be respected though. Especially if it is clearly stated. Otherwise your just saying it is OK to be walked all over, are you not?

Or is it just the wording?

I think it's the wording. It sounds like discipline and it is not a friend's place to discipline you.

Yeah I agree. But a friend should respect your boundries. I get from reading the OP that this has happened before. How many times do you let someone take the piss, until you do something about it.

Everyone has boundries, in my opinion a true friend respects those boundries. Respect is a two way thing.

A friendship isnt about giving, its not about taking, its about sharing.

And if your overstepping boundries, then you are rying to take more than is being offered.

This rings a bell with me. Because in my "nice guy" days, I used to let people overstep my boundries, because I thought it was the "nice" thing to do. Without going into a long story, basically I was being treated like a mug. If you want people o respect you and your friendship, you got to place boundries. If they get crossed, you go to do something about it. Otherwise you are just making yourself a doormat.

That said, I agree with what you say about the wording.

It just seems a bit bizarre to me, I find the fact that he's said you should take a break from each other bizarre. I don't know what he expects that will achieve other than to hurt you, it seems spiteful to me.

Im actually no trying to be a jerk here. But what should he do, if boundries are being taken advanage of. Just cut off contact, again he will be the bad guy.

Hypothetically speaking, say you had a friend who asked to borrow money because they were in a tight siuation. You lent them the money but said it was a one off. They said they wouldnt ask and put you in this siuation again. They then come o you several months later all apologetic saying that they are in a tight situation again, and you then find out ther eason that they are strapped for cash is because they are blowing it on s**t and they are no actually having their electricity cut and lighting the house with candles.

A) If you call hem out, your the bad guy.
B) If hey were a true friend, they wouldnt lie to you.
C) A true friend wouldnt put a friend in that situation, you make your bed, you lie in it, responsibiliy for your own actions.
D) If you say no, again your the bad guy.

Thats where empathy gets you in the world.

If a friend had done something that I'd asked them not to then I'd probably have a bit of a falling out and then get over it the next day. If they're a really good friend then I wouldn't want to shut them out of my life for months. When you get older you only have a few good friends so I wouldn't want to lose them.

If they dont respect your bounries, are they really good friends.

I did think that to be honest but for me it'd all depend on what they'd done.

That would be one thing. There are consequences for betrayal and there should be. I don't know how to explain this (or if I even need to) but when you are friends, you are equals. You don't get to tell each other what to do.

If they betray your trust, you just don't trust them anymore. Why the hiatus? Most people would just withdraw a bit, not be as close or as open. Why is he treating her as if he's an authority figure or worse, a prize?

That depends on the boundries set to be honest. If your an uptight person hey are probably gonna be stupid. If you are laid back, hen for someone to overstep your boundries its gonna be pretty serious.

All depends on the type of person you are and who you make friends with.