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How much control is too much?

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eternus_somnium On April 14, 2021
clinically crackers





, United States (general)
#1New Post! Oct 17, 2008 @ 05:00:00
I'm currently discussing my mom's methods of "control" with a friend, and this got me wondering to what people think is too much control.

My mom has content filters (McAfee) on Firefox, language filters that send her emails if I swear online, something that records everything I type so if she does gt an email about my language or the content I write about, she can read what I was saying, something else that records what I do on webcam, and what really irks me is that via the type recorder she can find all my passwords and such.

This was really just minor annoyances to me after getting used to them, but then I found an article in CosmoGirl (hey, it actually came in handy lol) about controlling parents, and how some are going so far as to "monitor your every computer keystroke", or something to that effect.

So, what do you think is too far? I don't just mean on the computer, but that's the one thing my mom LOVES to control. Personally, I think that the language filters are excessive, especially when I misspell "shirt" and she gets an email and feels compelled to read what I was talking about at that moment. And the type recorder really does irk me because she has access to all my passwords, but since I've yet to see her use them I can deal.
4000Earthquakes On April 25, 2009

Banned



Joshua Tree, California
#2New Post! Oct 17, 2008 @ 05:09:12
I suppose she can read what you just typed right now, too?

Hey mom! You gotta let your baby spread her wings and fly at some point. How can she be herself with mom looking over her shoulder constantly?

I know you worry about your girl (all us mom's do...) but shouldn't you give her just a wee bit of space?)

At some point we will learn the word "trust".

Hang in there kiddo. I don't know what to tell you.
eternus_somnium On April 14, 2021
clinically crackers





, United States (general)
#3New Post! Oct 17, 2008 @ 05:11:05
@4000Earthquakes Said

I suppose she can read what you just typed right now, too?

Hey mom! You gotta let your baby spread her wings and fly at some point. How can she be herself with mom looking over her shoulder constantly?

I know you worry about your girl (all us mom's do...) but shouldn't you give her just a wee bit of space?)

At some point we will learn the word "trust".

Hang in there kiddo. I don't know what to tell you.



Yep, she can if she chooses to go thru it, but I've no idea when she does it, how often, or if she does at all.

I guess that's all I can do for now.
aceuvclubs On August 22, 2020
You with the face!





Seattle, Washington
#4New Post! Oct 17, 2008 @ 05:13:29
A parents goal is to keep their innocent children (because that's what a parent will see their kids as until they're 18 ) safe while using the internet. That usually will mean strict monitoring, safeguards and filters. All an adult hears about is child abductions, child predators and so forth. So naturally they're paranoid.

Would you rather a parent that lets you venture anywhere and doesn't give a rat's ass?
4000Earthquakes On April 25, 2009

Banned



Joshua Tree, California
#5New Post! Oct 17, 2008 @ 05:16:03
True. Be glad. Some parents don't even care. You are probably lucky.
eternus_somnium On April 14, 2021
clinically crackers





, United States (general)
#6New Post! Oct 17, 2008 @ 05:21:09
@aceuvclubs Said

A parents goal is to keep their innocent children (because that's what a parent will see their kids as until they're 18 ) safe while using the internet. That usually will mean strict monitoring, safeguards and filters. All an adult hears about is child abductions, child predators and so forth. So naturally they're paranoid.

Would you rather a parent that lets you venture anywhere and doesn't give a rat's ass?



Well, that depends on the day and if she's decided to treat me as a 15 year old, mature person, or like a little girl who can't defend herself at all, despite learning how to from the age of 4 or so.
aceuvclubs On August 22, 2020
You with the face!





Seattle, Washington
#7New Post! Oct 17, 2008 @ 05:23:11
mature teenager or not, technically still a minor until the age of 18
aceuvclubs On August 22, 2020
You with the face!





Seattle, Washington
#8New Post! Oct 17, 2008 @ 05:24:26
granted most parents ease up after you hit 16 and start driving to a job

yes yes, sucks and all but trust us when we say everyone has been there
eternus_somnium On April 14, 2021
clinically crackers





, United States (general)
#9New Post! Oct 17, 2008 @ 05:26:01
Yes, but while that is true I don't see it as being so black or white. It seems like I take this for granted, and I supose I do sometimes, but it gets on my nerves that I can't seem to be trusted enough to get the right to the privacy of my accounts and such.
aceuvclubs On August 22, 2020
You with the face!





Seattle, Washington
#10New Post! Oct 17, 2008 @ 05:30:52
When i have kids they're probably going to hate me, because i'll probably have their settings set to where they can only browse educational sites

Haha, it's fun to be the adult and torture the youngins
el_diablo On December 19, 2008

Deleted



Maui, Hawaii
#11New Post! Oct 17, 2008 @ 05:33:56
I can understand why she may want to put up filters. But I do think she may be overly paranoid. I think the best filter she can provide her children is communication and trust. As long as those things are available I think you'll turn out just fine.
iwannano On May 19, 2010
Mountain William


Deleted



,
#12New Post! Oct 17, 2008 @ 05:50:11
First of all , KUDO's to you and mom for having the kind of realationship that will withstand a slightly over protective mom . Just keep in mind that you did not come with an owners manule and she's giving you the best she has to give to ensure you a healthy happy life in just a few short years.
' Now with that said she needs to ask her self just one question. How will she know if she has raised a self confident healthy young woman if you never get the chance to spread your wings and flex your mind and put into practise all the love and advise and love she has invested?
I had a 15 year old daughter one time and I think that was one of the hardest questions tyo first ask myself then answer and follow thur with backing up and off a little to let her see and understand how all she had learned fit into the 'real world'.
good luck you luckyest of lucky mom and daughter. You both deserve all the good that comes from a loving realsonship.
x_Laura_x On March 13, 2023




Nowhere, United Kingdom
#13New Post! Oct 17, 2008 @ 06:17:12
Well, she's looking out for your best interests Cassie.

...But the keylogging really is a step over the line. There has to be a point where one can have at least some privacy.

Fair enough if she monitors the sites that you're on cause tons of parents do that and I have to put up with it at college (although I use TFS for "work purposes" ) but I really don't think she needs to monitor every word that you're saying.

Have you spoken to her about the keylogger? Cause, lemme tell you, my mum is pretty overprotective about my brother and I. She never used to let me go into the city alone or with friends. And it wasn't until I said "hey mum, I'm like 16, can you let me grow up a little now?" that she started to give me a little more freedom. Yes, she still doesn't allow me to go places alone and stuff, but it's pretty cool how just making your feelings known in a way that doesn't sound like you're trying to argue with her, can get through If you decide to talk to her about it, I hope she understands
eternus_somnium On April 14, 2021
clinically crackers





, United States (general)
#14New Post! Oct 17, 2008 @ 06:19:49
@x_Laura_x Said

Well, she's looking out for your best interests Cassie.

...But the keylogging really is a step over the line. There has to be a point where one can have at least some privacy.

Fair enough if she monitors the sites that you're on cause tons of parents do that and I have to put up with it at college (although I use TFS for "work purposes" ) but I really don't think she needs to monitor every word that you're saying.

Have you spoken to her about the keylogger? Cause, lemme tell you, my mum is pretty overprotective about my brother and I. She never used to let me go into the city alone or with friends. And it wasn't until I said "hey mum, I'm like 16, can you let me grow up a little now?" that she started to give me a little more freedom. Yes, she still doesn't allow me to go places alone and stuff, but it's pretty cool how just making your feelings known in a way that doesn't sound like you're trying to argue with her, can get through If you decide to talk to her about it, I hope she understands



We've spoken quite a few times about it. She just doesn't see the point in taking it off because then I might get in the habit of cussing (again).... not that it matters much because I still do sometimes.
x_Laura_x On March 13, 2023




Nowhere, United Kingdom
#15New Post! Oct 17, 2008 @ 06:21:17
@eternus_somnium Said

We've spoken quite a few times about it. She just doesn't see the point in taking it off because then I might get in the habit of cussing (again).... not that it matters much because I still do sometimes.



Does she trust you?
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