Help with a broken heart.....

Western NC, North Carolina

Sep 29, 2008 @ 04:44:41

Later in life after marriage and children, I stumbled upon a man who became my best friend and lover. I believe in my heart that he is my true soulmate. The love of my life. Things were complicated on both sides, but I've never felt more connected to another human being. We ended our affair 4 months ago, mutually trying to do what's best.

There hasn't been a day go by in 4 months that I haven't thought about him. Sometimes is harder than others. I'm a wife and a mother and I'm really trying to enjoy my life... but somehow I can't move on. I cannot get past this man.

I still cry myself to sleep almost every night... every thing I see reminds me of him... smells, tastes, sounds... almost every song I hear reminds me of him.

How do you erase someone from your memory? How do you give up something that your soul longs for?

He has moved on... he has found someone else, so divorcing and going to him is not an option.

I just need to know how to move on, and make new happy memories with my husband ... can I fall back in love with my husband after having an affair and giving my heart to someone else?

I suppose this heartbreak is well deserved for what I did... and I suppose that if I live in pain everyday for the rest of my life, it will be the punishment for what I did.

1

rider

Deleted

The first one, Australia

#2

Sep 29, 2008 @ 05:03:08

Some Husbanbs/Wives find it hard to believe your can be Friends with some body without playing up.I had a friend like that a few years ago,we worked together,and were the best of friends.One night,my wife and I were at Her place
(my very good friend)and her husband fronted me,about my relationship with his wife,I must say he was not a happy man,but we talked for quite a while and in the end,I reached up and touched him on the forehead and told him,the only place Sandy and I were carrying on together was right here in your imagination,there is no Sandy and me thing going on,we're friends and thats all there is to it.
If this was purely a Genuine Friendship with no strings attached,get in contact again,but meet somewhere wher you and you Husband and He and his wife,can meet eachother as well.Hell make it look like an accidental meeting,so everybody is friends with each other.Of course,This is just a suggestion??

0

backseatcynic

Henryetta, Oklahoma

#3

Sep 29, 2008 @ 05:07:44

Honestly, I don't know. You obviously are hurting very badly to reach out like this. I feel compelled to help. I don't judge you for your actions. What's done is done. But here you are now: heartbroken, confused, and vulnerable. That's what you've got to fix. Your heart has to mend, you have to feel sure about who you are and what you want, and you have to get back your emotional strength. I doubt it seems that simple to you right now. I've used the word soulmate myself before. I do know what you're talking about. But I don't feel right about advising you on how to accomplish healing the pain. Believe though that identifying what's wrong is the first step. It really will give you somewhere to start. And as long as you need to share, we are here.

0

Amorous_Guardian

Western NC, North Carolina

#4

Sep 29, 2008 @ 05:09:54

Thanks guys... but Rider... It wasn't just friendship, it was alot more than that.

0

rider

Deleted

The first one, Australia

#5

Sep 29, 2008 @ 05:40:57

@Amorous_Guardian Said

Thanks guys... but Rider... It wasn't just friendship, it was alot more than that.

Yes I noticed,and I was wrong.Now the only question for you is,Why did you marry the man you did,if he wasn't the right one for you???

0

Tequila_Sunrise

Bom Chika wah wah ..

In your imagination, Australia

#6

Sep 29, 2008 @ 07:54:01

@rider Said

Yes I noticed,and I was wrong.Now the only question for you is,Why did you marry the man you did,if he wasn't the right one for you???

Maybe she felt he was the right one... until the love of her life came along and stole her heart.

Sometimes people think they're in love with someone, only to realise they can fall even more in love with someone else.

0

Amorous_Guardian

Western NC, North Carolina

#7

Sep 29, 2008 @ 12:37:39

I was young when I married and although I did love my husband, my main objective for getting married was to get out of my parents house. We have been married for 13 years and most of them have been good. I guess I got bored, I know that's terrible... but I don't know how else to put it. The man I met gave me excitement and made me feel alive again, pretty again, needed and loved again... things that my husband just don't make me feel. I love my husband, he and I have a very long history, but the "new" wore off the love for him years ago. Now that "my friend" is out of the picture, I have spiraled into an almost uncontrollable depression that I just can't seem to snap out of. I miss him horribly, but more than that... I miss the excitement. I am back into my routine of boredom and I need to find a hobby that is not only good for me, but for my family.

I know all this is no excuse for what I did, just giving you some insight as to how it happened.

0

rider

Deleted

The first one, Australia

#8

Sep 29, 2008 @ 13:25:20

@Amorous_Guardian Said

I was young when I married and although I did love my husband, my main objective for getting married was to get out of my parents house. We have been married for 13 years and most of them have been good. I guess I got bored, I know that's terrible... but I don't know how else to put it. The man I met gave me excitement and made me feel alive again, pretty again, needed and loved again... things that my husband just don't make me feel. I love my husband, he and I have a very long history, but the "new" wore off the love for him years ago. Now that "my friend" is out of the picture, I have spiraled into an almost uncontrollable depression that I just can't seem to snap out of. I miss him horribly, but more than that... I miss the excitement. I am back into my routine of boredom and I need to find a hobby that is not only good for me, but for my family.

I know all this is no excuse for what I did, just giving you some insight as to how it happened.

I make no apologies for what I say now.
My ex was the same as you,I loved her as much as any man loves his wife,I worked two jobs trying to keep our family going ( we have 3 kids,all grown up now) and kept long hours so we could pay of a morgage as well as have a holiday as a family.
Nine years ,3 kids and a morgage and I found out I was playing second fiddle to another bloke,so as you now know I'M the cast of product of a cheating wife just like you.
If you've come to this site looking for some clown to help you justify your ego about being a tramp,go somewhere else and blow bubbles up someone elses arse.
While your at it you might like to take into consideration your Husbands feelings,after all isn't he going to be the loser in the end,you'll get the kids,he'll get occasional time with them,You'' get child support,He'll go broke beacause of it,and the other bloke will piss you off because your causing problems with his marriage.
Take responsibility for your actions,and don't ask others to tell you your doing the right thing

0

rider

Deleted

The first one, Australia

#9

Sep 29, 2008 @ 13:43:39

@Tequila_Sunrise Said

Maybe she felt he was the right one... until the love of her life came along and stole her heart.

Sometimes people think they're in love with someone, only to realise they can fall even more in love with someone else.

Tequila,I'm sorry love ,but I don't wear that.
The marriage vows in this country say"to love and honour and forsaking other until death do you part".If either one of the couple getting married can't understand that ,don't get married,it's really very simple.The vows say nothing about until Mr Better than what I've got comes along,Or Miss She's got a better body than my wife.
If you love someone and make the commitment,work at it.
As I said to one of my Daughters Friends on her wedding day"there's no secret to a happy marriage,learn to laugh at each other and with each other,and if things start to go wrong work at it and resolve your problems,and if friends come to visit,put your problems in the cupboard ,They came to visit you,not listen to your complaints about each other.

0

MlissaBeth

Wait for it!

Tucson, Arizona

#10

Sep 29, 2008 @ 13:52:35

@Amorous_Guardian Said

Later in life after marriage and children, I stumbled upon a man who became my best friend and lover. I believe in my heart that he is my true soulmate. The love of my life. Things were complicated on both sides, but I've never felt more connected to another human being. We ended our affair 4 months ago, mutually trying to do what's best.

There hasn't been a day go by in 4 months that I haven't thought about him. Sometimes is harder than others. I'm a wife and a mother and I'm really trying to enjoy my life... but somehow I can't move on. I cannot get past this man.

I still cry myself to sleep almost every night... every thing I see reminds me of him... smells, tastes, sounds... almost every song I hear reminds me of him.

How do you erase someone from your memory? How do you give up something that your soul longs for?

He has moved on... he has found someone else, so divorcing and going to him is not an option.

I just need to know how to move on, and make new happy memories with my husband ... can I fall back in love with my husband after having an affair and giving my heart to someone else?

I suppose this heartbreak is well deserved for what I did... and I suppose that if I live in pain everyday for the rest of my life, it will be the punishment for what I did.

Everyone makes mistakes! You do not deserve to be punished for the rest of your life because of it. I do however believe that when you gave your heart away to another man, that rekindling feelings for your husband is probably unlikely.

What you need to do is decide what you want. I know how hard it is to move on from someone that you clicked with on every level possible. It took me years to get past it.

It's horrible, the feelings your going through. It feels like your broken, like nothing matters, and there isn't anyone that can really make you happy except for the man you lost. You want to be out of the mood, but everything you do and everywhere you turn, there is something that makes you think of him.

You'll get past it one day. But I think taking a break from your husband might be a smart move. Just so you can decide what it is that you want.

0

Amorous_Guardian

Western NC, North Carolina

#11

Sep 29, 2008 @ 14:22:11

Well Rider, I am sorry for what I did. I acknowledge that it is very wrong and the worst way to betray a spouce. I am not looking for pity really... just looking for people to talk to. I am sorry that you went through what you did. I know that it hurts... I realize that I hurt my husband and took away something that is beyond repair for him and me. He knows about everything. We may live the rest of our lives together because I am there with him now. I have recommitted my life to him, and it's where I want to be. Still sometimes it is very hard though, still sometimes I feel like I'm in the wrong place... but that's not his fault, it's mine.

Thanks for your advise MelissaBeth... I have decided to stay with my husband, because I do have love for him and he does love me and it does feel like the right thing to do. I just have bad days from time to time, and last night was one of them.

0

Mend

Iloilo, Philippines

#12

Sep 30, 2008 @ 13:25:21

You know what? When I read your story, it's like I'm reading the story of my friend too. You have the same situation.
I saw her cry, stare into nothing, and other actuation basically related to depression because of a lost "wrong love at the right time."

It's been 6 months now I think since the break-up with the other man. She still thinks of him and maybe feels the same way for him. But I noticed something else too. She seems okay now because there is an acceptance that it ended and there will be no reuniting again.

At the same time she is trying to fix the problem with her husband. Past is past. We all have a chance to make things right again.

Get Back With Your Ex

0

Edited: September 30, 2008 @ 14:55

Amorous_Guardian

Western NC, North Carolina

#13

Oct 01, 2008 @ 00:20:12

At least I know I'm not alone... and yes it is a little bit easier since it has definitely ended and I am putting myself wholeheartedly into mending my relationship with my husband. I just still miss him alot... but I know with time it should get better.

0

hairsplitter

long beach, California

#14

Oct 01, 2008 @ 03:38:31

Time heals and so do your children and a good counselor isn't a bad idea either. Take deep breaths, relax and let go over and over until it becomes automatic. It took me a long time to get over my first wife. Eventually I found the light of my life, friend, lover, soulmate, etc. Just do not give up. Who knows if you will fall in love with your husband again but you just may. So be brave, good to yourself and just let go a day at a time. We are going on 17 years together and It hasn't been easy but hey, I learned from my mistakes. And no, I wasn't perfect in my first marriage either.

0

cGobla

Polcenigo, Italy

#15

Oct 01, 2008 @ 03:49:27

does your husband know about the affair?

0

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