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Google Pizza

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rondetto On about 8 hours ago




Wrexham, United Kingdom
#1New Post! May 19, 2020 @ 11:45:28
Me (on telephone): "Is this Gordon's Pizza?
"

Google: "No sir, it's Google Pizza."

Me: "I must have dialled a wrong number. Sorry."

Google: "No sir, Google bought up Gordon’s Pizza last month.
"

Me: "OK. I would like to order a pizza.
"

Google: "Do you want your usual, sir?
"

Me: "My usual? You know me?
"

Google: "According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.
"

Me:" OK! That’s what I want ...
"

Google: "May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, rocket, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?
"

Me: "What? I detest vegetables
."

Google: "Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
"

Me: "How the hell do you know ?
"

Google: "Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

Me: Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.
"

Google:" Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased just the one box of 30 cholesterol tablets at your local chemist 4 months ago.
"

Me: "I bought more from Boots too."

Google: "That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.
"

Me:" I paid in cash.
"

Google: "But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
"

Me:"I have other sources of cash.
"

Google: "That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law."

Me: "WHAT THE HELL!
"

Google:" I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
"

Me: "Enough! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, Instagram and all the others. I'm going to a remote island without internet, no cable TV, no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.
Bugger the bloody Pizza."

Google: "I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago......"
darkman666 On about 11 hours ago




Saint Louis, Missouri
#2New Post! May 19, 2020 @ 14:33:17
@rondetto Said

Me (on telephone): "Is this Gordon's Pizza?
"

Google: "No sir, it's Google Pizza."

Me: "I must have dialled a wrong number. Sorry."

Google: "No sir, Google bought up Gordon’s Pizza last month.
"

Me: "OK. I would like to order a pizza.
"

Google: "Do you want your usual, sir?
"

Me: "My usual? You know me?
"

Google: "According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.
"

Me:" OK! That’s what I want ...
"

Google: "May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, rocket, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?
"

Me: "What? I detest vegetables
."

Google: "Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
"

Me: "How the hell do you know ?
"

Google: "Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

Me: Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.
"

Google:" Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased just the one box of 30 cholesterol tablets at your local chemist 4 months ago.
"

Me: "I bought more from Boots too."

Google: "That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.
"

Me:" I paid in cash.
"

Google: "But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
"

Me:"I have other sources of cash.
"

Google: "That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law."

Me: "WHAT THE HELL!
"

Google:" I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
"

Me: "Enough! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, Instagram and all the others. I'm going to a remote island without internet, no cable TV, no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.
Bugger the bloody Pizza."

Google: "I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago......"


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