Favorite Simpsons Quotes

Homer: We could get some monkeys and have them reenact the civil war.
Lisa: That wouldn't help people.
Homer: Well, it couldn't hurt, unless of course they start hurting people, which they almost certainly would.

OTTO- You're Dad was right I am a bum.
BART- Otto man he didn't call you a bum he called you a sponge.
OTTO- a SPONGE GRRRRRRRRRRRR, CAN A SPONGE DO THIS? (punches the wall)

Homer: How about some icecream that isn't touching your butt.

(this is when apu is trying to increase his fertility by sitting in the freezer)

Smithers: Would you like to attend a private party? *opens breifcase full of money*
Tom Jones: sorry i dont do private aprties *opens secind breifcase
Tom Jones: But theres no money in... *falls unconsious*
Smithers:Pleasant dreams Mr Jones

Homer: How's education suppose to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new I forget something I already knew, like the time I took that home wine making course and forgot how to drive.
Marge: You didn't forget how to drive, you were drunk.
Homer: And how

Marge Simpson:"Homer, you know how unpredictable the French are. One minute they're kissing a woman's hand, then next, they're chopping off her head."

"I'm looking for something in an attack dog. One who likes the sweet gamey tang of human flesh. Hmmm, why here's the fellow...Wry, fast, firm, proud buttocks. Reminds me of me."
--Mr. Burns

Homer: mmmmmm burger *drools*

Marge: Aim low. aim so low no one will even care if you succeed.

"Ah, Monday morning. Time to pay for your two days of debauchery, you hungover drones."
--Mr. Burns

"Look at them, Smithers. Goldbricks...Layabouts...
Slug-a-beds! Little do they realise their days of suckling at my teat are numbered."
--Mr. Burns

"Hi, I'm actor Troy McClure, you might remember me from such instructional videos as, "Mothballing Your Battleship" and "Dig Your Own Grave and Save."
--Troy McClure

Krusty: I just found out I'm not Jewish. I got turned down by all those country clubs for nothing!

Homer about church: I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?

Bart: Mohican? I thought you guys were all gone.
Mohican: No, but we encourage the myth. Chicks really dig you when you're the last of something.