Favorite Chuck Norris Jokes/Facts

Some kids piss their name into snow. Chuck Norris pisses his name into concrete.

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris PJs

When Chuck Norris steps into a puddle of water, he doesnt get wet. The puddle gets Chucked.

There is no such thing as natural selection, just animals Chuck Norris likes more than others.

When Chuch Norris gives you the finger he is telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Brett Favre can throw a football over 100 yards. Chuch Norris can throw Brett even farther.



Chuck Norris can delete the Recycle Bin

chuck norris is my hero.
i dont know any good ones though

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

When God said, "Let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say please."

Problem is im out of jokes. I need to look some up

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.


Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.

Curiosity may have killed the cat, but Chuck Norris killed everything else.

Chuck Norris doesnt have to dodge bullets, they dodge him

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the f*** he wants.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.