Former President and failed insurrectionist Donald J Trump spent this afternoon slaughtering every turkey pardoned by President Biden.
Nothwithstanding his own history of once pardoning two turkeys himself, Trump labelled his successor's actions as those of a "soft liberal do-gooder unwilling to dish out the necessary punishments as required".
As such, the former president ran around a randomly selected farmyard for half an hour meting out ‘true justice’ to the many turkeys pardoned during the ‘weak’ Biden administration.
As one good old boy witness holding a fully loaded automatic rifle, ready to hand to the former president if he needed it, explained, “It was quite the sight for those of us fortunate enough to see it, yes siree."
“I'd kinda call it a frenzy of blood and feathers", said Chuck Numbnuts, full time Spent Round Auditor and Lock And Load Coach To The Under Fives at the Lay-Zee Good Ol' Boy Shooting Range in Blow Their Commie a** Off, Tennessee, as the Donald eschewed standard practices such as neck-wringing, in favour of chasing them around the yard with a freshly-sharpened meat cleaver.
“He might be an old timer, but he can still chase a fat turkey round the yard when the blood-thirst takes a-hold of him," said Mr Numbnuts, not distracted by the spectacle from loading 7.62mm rounds into an assault rifle magazine for his six year old daughter's daily target practice.
“The former President was quite out of breath by the end and stood there for the longest time, steaming in the cold, surrounded by dismembered turkey carcasses and splattered from head to toe in blood.
“But he did look happy that he had finally got one over on that there no-count commie faggot pinko Joe Biden.”
Trump Organisation press secretary Shelley Dipstick confirmed that former President Trump was continuing to make America great again by correcting the mistakes of the current administration.
She explained, “For too long America has been seen as a soft touch, and President Trump will do whatever is needed to make turkeys take America seriously."
When I pointed out to her that actually, it was former president Trump, her smile dropped and she reminded me of just where I was and I should mind my tongue because they don't take too kindly to that kind of talk round these parts, before going on to finish.
“And if that means the President chasing helpless fowl around a yard while slashing at them with a large bladed implement in the name of old-fashioned American justice, then so be it, y'hear?”
Nov 25, 2021 @ 21:41:12
