Divorce, Children & Visitations

Yes, i had many times confronted my ex about his use w/ porn...hence all the counselors we went through - porn was our main issue. when told in counseling that he needed to deal w/ the Y's he needs porn; well that is when he would quite going. To answer the young (16/M) question about him not doing it knowing the child could walk in on him...I Pray to God that he doesn't. truth is... our child wakes up in the middle of the nite - usually looking for me - & he is quiet as a mouse. There is NO lock on the main bedrm door in that house; and the ex would not close it cuz of the child being in another room. so our child could easily walk in on him...especially if he thinks the child is sound asleep & he is totally engaged in his "pleasure." that is what my total fear is. if my ex wants to be F*@#ed up in that crap; fine... but drag the child into the SH*@! his dad had the crap accessible to him... do u think that is not possible that my ex won't have that accessible to the child. children love to explore & see...God have mercy on my ex's soul if our child is exposed to that crap before the child has to be exposed to it... cuz if that happens... i will b on him like flies on Sh*#!

Chuckie. WTF.

I can already tell from you 'arguments' and increasingly personal comments on this thread that this is not going to go well, but i just can't leave it.

How, in the name of all that is rational, do you expect people to believe that a guy is not a good parent if he watches porn? That he should not be allowed to spend time alone with his child because his 'perversion' (as you clearly see it) will somehow corrupt?

Assuming that you are correct that the guy is addicted, and was addicted (to you bitterness) throughout your marriage, did he once ever expose himself to your child? I think that if he had you would have mentioned it.

Now, you need to prove not only that he is addicted, but that he will expose his child to porn and that this exposure will be damaging; not just by your standards but objective ones.

I sense that you have long been angered by this mans liking for porn and you are determined to convince everyone that it makes him deviant.

How do you know that he'd have porn around while his child is staying over?

As Mark said... How does watching porn affect his parenting abilities??
I don't see how this is possible?

Because a man watches porn doesnt mean he is an unsuitable father.

I did not understand that last paragraph at all

To be honest i think you have more of a personal grievance with your ex, and using the excuse that he likes to watch porn for your own advantage.
Which if thats the case, then seriously thats just not right.
I may be wrong. I don't know what you have been through or any of the facts or even your ex's side to the story.
Watching porn is an everyday occurance with men AND women all over the world including men and women who have children.

And what about me....

I think thats rather sexist

parenting & their responsibilities... to take care of child both financially & emotionally... when our child was born & even before i gave birth; he had started demonstrating more physical actions. child was born; u asked has he exposed himself to his child... yes, we slept in separtate rooms... i brought the child into his room & he proceeded to crawl out of bed naked w/ the child viewing him. he did not ask for us to leave or warn me or anything... he just strutted past us. & of course the minute i saw he was naked child & i left room; but the child did see his father in the buff. i feel its fine that i am asked "WTF"; did u know that porn can go from generation to generation? i didn't until about 4-5 yrs ago in one of our counsel sessions. its no big deal if dad is in his boxer, boxer briefs, underwear, lounge pants w/ no top...if dad is taking baby for a shower w/ him..k that's fine... but if he knows he just did his "thing" that nite & didn't bother to put something on after finishing knowing that he maybe needed w/ child unexpectedly...well not cool.
when the family income is used to pay for that crap instead of buying the diapers, food, and anything else the baby needs... is that right? for the amnt of time i was not working my reg job; i did catering that gave me $60 in cash per month... that is what i used for what the baby needed cuz there was no other money. how do i know where his money went... found his stash every time. as for the father spending time alone w/ our child...i encourage that they spend more time together (daylite hrs). just this past saturday (my wkend w/ child) i offered & gave the father a few hrs that day to have the child. again, MY CONCERN is the overnite stays... it is inevitable that the child will be spending nites there... r all u saying i'm wrong for wanting to postpone for a little longer -like one more yr?

This sounds like porn is just a cover for the actual problem at hand.
I don't believe that "watching porn" can be classed as genetic.

What will one more year change if you honestly believe what you do.

From my (uneducated) viewpoint it sounds like he may be addicted to porn; people can become addicted to any stimulus. I still don't accept that this makes him an unfit father. I don't accept that being seen naked makes him an unfit father and, as long as he provides for his child, how he spends the rest of his money is no longer your concern.

I understand that you hate porn for what it has done to your marriage and expected future, but your fear that addiction (to anything) can be passed on is ridiculous. Perhaps if the child grows to know about it, it will be more acceptable to him/her, but to convince us that this is damaging you'll have to convince us that porn is innately damaging

i apologize for the sexist remark... yes i do know both men & women watch porn...i have viewed porn in my younger yrs... no it does not make me an addict. i didn't have the need for viewing it all the time.

no, no one does know what i have been through w/ him. by no means do i treat him as my enemy. i invite him to spend time w/our child in this home (he has not offered the same to us). i have invited him to go to the park w/ us (again, we receive no such invite from him). i have already made many efforts in & shown flexibility in spending time w/ our child. if i am so wrong, research the topic of porn & its affects... cuz i have not only researched the material; i wound up seeing it all first hand. maybe i posted this in the wrong area... i thought i could "rant" in the Rant & Rave (General) section...again my apologies for anyone whom i offended.

Maybe you should give him the benefit of the doubt and see how it goes?
Prolonging things by another year might not help.
The child needs stability at such a young age and not being able to see his/her father as much as the child is used to will have more of an effect.

I know this may be hard to do after what you have gone through, but try and see it from your ex's point of view.
How you would feel if it was you in his situation.