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Cougar Crush

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carelt1985 On June 25, 2016




Chesterfield, Missouri
#1New Post! Apr 28, 2015 @ 01:35:59
I need some help. I became attracted to an Afghan who is about a decade my junior. I knew of him since we attend the same psychology class. I dread this because I am sure I would have my feelings hurt. I was hoping that I would never feel that again. These things are never successful for me. One person encourages that I should at least say hi while another says it's good to stay away from him. What should I do?
chaski On about 16 hours ago
Stalker





Tree at Floydgirrl's Window,
#2New Post! Apr 28, 2015 @ 15:16:01
@carelt1985 Said

I became attracted to an Afghan who is about a decade my junior.

These things are never successful for me.

What should I do?



These ( ) are the important parts.

1. He is 10 years younger than you, so roughly 19, therefore mostly inexperienced in many things and not fully emotionally mature.

2. You have tried to date younger men before and it has not worked and you have been hurt by it. If my memory is correct you have some depression already.

3. Do whatever you really want to do, but maybe ask your self a few questions like: Will a relatively inexperience and mostly likely somewhat immature 19 year old be able to provide you with happiness and emotional support and emotional stability that you need? And not end up being cause for grief, emotional pain and sadness which are not good for either your self-esteem nor your depression?

Is this really just some sort of self destructive behavior on your part that would best be avoided?


Ultimately only you can decide.
carelt1985 On June 25, 2016




Chesterfield, Missouri
#3New Post! Apr 28, 2015 @ 17:51:55
Strangely, enough, on our discussion board, in class. he stay he suffered his own depression and tried suicide. With a smiley face, he said he was willing to talk more about it to me. I couldn't have imagined he tried to kill himself.

Anyway, I still uncomfortable with the age difference. My counselor says that age is only a number, but, to me, it is a big deal. It's embarrassing.
yami On September 11, 2016

Banned



grimsby, United Kingdom
#4New Post! Apr 28, 2015 @ 17:53:56
@carelt1985 Said

Strangely, enough, on our discussion board, in class. he stay he suffered his own depression and tried suicide. With a smiley face, he said he was willing to talk more about it to me. I couldn't have imagined he tried to kill himself.

Anyway, I still uncomfortable with the age difference. My counselor says that age is only a number, but, to me, it is a big deal. It's embarrassing.



It sounds like he has a lot of problems, if he tried to kill himself, I sure hope he no longer feels that way and is getting help.

Why do you think age is such a big deal to you?
If you like him and he likes you, what is the problem?
chaski On about 16 hours ago
Stalker





Tree at Floydgirrl's Window,
#5New Post! Apr 28, 2015 @ 18:24:04
@carelt1985 Said

My counselor says that age is only a number, but, to me, it is a big deal.


Your counselor is right...to a point.

With each passing year, ages and maturity level of people get closer together.

But as an example, while a 56 year old man might be compatible with a 40 year old woman.... there are not many 18 year old women that are comparable with a 35 year old man.

I know from personal experience that 19 year old men are very immature. I was once one of them.


@carelt1985 Said

It's embarrassing.


Embarrassment really has nothing to do with it.

It is really more a matter of compatibility and ability to emotionally support each other.
Neko_Majin On June 22, 2015




9, United States (general)
#6New Post! Apr 28, 2015 @ 19:02:03
@carelt1985 Said

Strangely, enough, on our discussion board, in class. he stay he suffered his own depression and tried suicide. With a smiley face, he said he was willing to talk more about it to me. I couldn't have imagined he tried to kill himself.

Anyway, I still uncomfortable with the age difference. My counselor says that age is only a number, but, to me, it is a big deal. It's embarrassing.



Honestly age does matter to a degree, as chaski just pointed out.
When I was 18 a woman 6 years older than me (24) was interested in me, from where I'm sitting now, I can clearly see even entertaining the idea of that relationship was a mistake, but I went along with it at the time.I was obviously too immature for that relationship, she had already started her life as an adult, and picked up baggage I wasn't ready to deal with. I ended up getting out of it when I realized it was a terrible mistake (about a month or so in), and ended up hurting her, while making myself feel like crap in the processes, it was a less than desirable situation, but I learned from it.

Of course I'm not saying your situation will turn out the same way, but you need to realize he's still very young, and most likely not ready for what a relationship with you will demand of him. I always suggest letting younger people grow at they're own pace, while avoiding doing things that force them to mature too rapidly, and that includes getting into a relationship with someone who's not ready yet.
yami On September 11, 2016

Banned



grimsby, United Kingdom
#7New Post! Apr 28, 2015 @ 19:19:45
29 is now considered a cougar?
carelt1985 On June 25, 2016




Chesterfield, Missouri
#8New Post! Apr 28, 2015 @ 19:27:30
As for the suicide talk, this was what was transpired, in our discussion board assignment. Note: I removed our names, out of privacy.

Quote:


From: Me

Before I start, I am not promoting suicide, much less directly telling other to consider such thing.

However, "your life, your choice"?

No one else can be the critic of one's torment. If someone is miserable and suicidal for a long time, I would rather give them a humane death than that he or she throw themselves off a building. Why does society force people to live? People do not have a say in getting born; that happens to the individual, in the long haul. We could at least give them the option of death. This world is not exactly all sunshine and rainbows.

From: Him

Thank you for your comment and I agree that we should be in control of our life and the choices we make. However, there are times when we are "unable" to make rational decisions. I don't normally share my personal stories with others. But, I will consider this post an exception. A few years ago, I too, was suicidal. I tried to kill myself. I was tired of life. Life wasn't "all sunshine and rainbows." I wanted to die. In fact, it would have been a miracle if I was allowed to do it in a humane way, instead of jumping off a building or doing it other ways. But, for some reason, I didn't kill myself (perhaps I was fearful, and I was on the edge of doing it). Looking back, I am so happy that I failed to commit suicide. Life is 400% better now. Things have changed, so did my perspective of life and death. Having that experience, I have come to the conclusion that there are times when our decisions are influenced by "emotion", rather than "logic". There are times when we do things we later regret. And having people preventing us from making those "emotional" decisions is, indeed, logical and ethical. I honestly couldn't have been in this class today had these organizations didn't help me. I have tremendous respect for them. I hope that my story gave you an insight, a deeper understanding to life of a suicidal person. I also hope you are living the life of your dreams. But if there's something you wanted to talk about, I am always here
carelt1985 On June 25, 2016




Chesterfield, Missouri
#9New Post! Apr 28, 2015 @ 19:28:37
@yami Said

29 is now considered a cougar?


That's what they started calling me, when I was 24 and 25.
yami On September 11, 2016

Banned



grimsby, United Kingdom
#10New Post! Apr 28, 2015 @ 19:31:13
@carelt1985 Said

That's what they started calling me, when I was 24 and 25.



Oh, they get younger everyday but I think they were joking.
carelt1985 On June 25, 2016




Chesterfield, Missouri
#11New Post! Apr 28, 2015 @ 19:32:24
@yami Said

Oh, they get younger everyday but I think they were joking.


Nope. They meant it.
yami On September 11, 2016

Banned



grimsby, United Kingdom
#12New Post! Apr 28, 2015 @ 19:33:52
@carelt1985 Said

Nope. They meant it.



Damn, they are mean, just ignore them.
carelt1985 On June 25, 2016




Chesterfield, Missouri
#13New Post! Apr 28, 2015 @ 19:36:50
@yami Said

Damn, they are mean, just ignore them.


I changed after that. Normally, I'm not attracted to anyone due to my medication.
yami On September 11, 2016

Banned



grimsby, United Kingdom
#14New Post! Apr 28, 2015 @ 19:40:37
@carelt1985 Said

I changed after that. Normally, I'm not attracted to anyone due to my medication.



Ok, are you on something that say, depresses/suppresses your emotions?
carelt1985 On June 25, 2016




Chesterfield, Missouri
#15New Post! Apr 28, 2015 @ 19:49:45
@Neko_Majin Said

Honestly age does matter to a degree, as chaski just pointed out.
When I was 18 a woman 6 years older than me (24) was interested in me, from where I'm sitting now, I can clearly see even entertaining the idea of that relationship was a mistake, but I went along with it at the time.I was obviously too immature for that relationship, she had already started her life as an adult, and picked up baggage I wasn't ready to deal with. I ended up getting out of it when I realized it was a terrible mistake (about a month or so in), and ended up hurting her, while making myself feel like crap in the processes, it was a less than desirable situation, but I learned from it.

Of course I'm not saying your situation will turn out the same way, but you need to realize he's still very young, and most likely not ready for what a relationship with you will demand of him. I always suggest letting younger people grow at they're own pace, while avoiding doing things that force them to mature too rapidly, and that includes getting into a relationship with someone who's not ready yet.


Funny. When I was 24 years old, I engaged in a sexual relationship with an 18-year-old. In process, I felt desired and I was having fun for the first time. Unfortunately, I developed feelings for him, but he soon left and became engaged and married to a girl his age, in under a year. Words couldn't describe my pain.
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