Thank You all sooooo much. I feel better now, having talked about this, than I have for the past few month (yeah.... I think its been almost 6 months) since these feelings started surfacing.
I talked to Her (we will call her "K" for simplicity's sake, ok?) earlier, because I have to go away for an undetermined amount of time, starting tomorrow due to some health issues I have.
And I wanted to make Sure and chat before I left. I had a sense of urgency to make sure I tied that loose end before I left. Things seem great. I can describe Our friendship a bit here:
We have what K and I call a "Circle of friends" Its us and a few other close pals, and We are all very close and supportive of one another. Its very nice. Ive been in the circle longer than all, especially K, whom is the newest member. We are a group of people who have simular issues with depressions and such, you get the pic? And We all talk often, so we make great Friends
Well, K isnt quite as "open" as the rest of them..... except with Me, it seems. I have spent more time with Her, and it seems to be paying off in that We are becoming ever closer pals. I havent EVER EVER even hinted at being romantically interested in Her. Ive told Her how adorable She is, for sure. But this is a normal compliment. Though I have alot of meaning behind it.
She deffinatly talks to Me more than with the others. She is a short reply type person. Never elaborates much You know? Answers are short and sweet, yes or no, ect. But I seem to be able to get whole sentences out of Her, even paragraphs LOL! It makes one of My best Friends a bit jelous, so I have to be carefull about what She divulgaes to Me to the rest of the circle. PLUS Id NEVER betray trust. She hasnt asked Me not to tell anything We've talked of, but as She is obviously a quiet type, I think it best I keep what She shares between Us. Dont You? Plus I see it, Her very WORDS as prescious little gifts..... OMG I sound so dorky. But She is just such a wonderful person! I do... I love Her. That feels good to say.
Do I fantasize about Us dating, kissing ect ect? Well, not really. My mind hasnt drawn out plans for She and I like that. My heart seems to be forcing the wheel on this one. Its like My mind is turning a blind eye, and My heart is pushing the ship. K and I have talked a couple of times about how long Our friendship will last. We agree that it is a "LIFE LONG" endevour. I know that I never want Her to be out of My life. Yeah, We are young to say such things, but how else are life long friends life long frineds? They have to be that way from day one LOL. In all honesty, I do not know what Id think to see Her with someone. Like if She was dating someone. My first instinct is to say "They better be good to Her,and I hope they are happy" and Yet, maybe inside I wanna be the one too. But that seems way down inside.
Im so lost and confused!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!