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Breaking Up

Breaking up is hard....telling others secrets

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sweetrnsugar77 On December 22, 2008

Deleted



My Apartment, Oregon
#1New Post! Sep 24, 2006 @ 02:33:39
I need advice and Im willing to hear all sides.


The Story:
My bf is friends with this guy who has been dating a girl for a few years. We dont spend a lot of time with them but we do hang out. Its more the guys are friends than the four of us but I would consider us friends.

"C" has been talking about breaking up with "M". He says that she isnt attractive to him anymore, their physical relationship has changed. He says things are "fresh" anymore. I think he's bored. He's actually started noticing other girls and has even hung out with one a couple times without "M"'s knowledge.

The Question:
I have been told things by "C" and my bf that I know she doesnt know. They've gone to a couple strip clubs and he lied about where he was. He lied about being a virgin (HE WASNT REALLY) but she thinks he was before they met. He also has been to a few parties without her or took her home and went back (one of which his ex was at) and last but not least he met another girl while she was out of town and they hung out with another couple for a whole night. She tried to kiss him and he talked about her non stop to my bf for a day. He admits its over for them......SHOULD I TELL HER THIS STUFF?????

The Reason:
I know that he is her first serious relationship and she is going to be totally freaked out. She is going to be devastated but I think that if she knew this stuff she would be ok. She would be able to move on knowing that thier relationship wasnt all she thought and that she really isnt losing some "great" thing.
Lili On July 12, 2019
....................





Sunshine Land,
#2New Post! Sep 24, 2006 @ 02:38:25
That's a tough one. How close are you with her? It's one of those things where it's either a social obligation to tell her, or not your business to get involved, and it's a fine line. It really depends on how close you are with her I think.

If it was me though, I would be very appreciative to have been told that information. Also not telling her could backfire if she found out you knew and didn't say anything.
sweetrnsugar77 On December 22, 2008

Deleted



My Apartment, Oregon
#3New Post! Sep 24, 2006 @ 02:48:19
Im not super close to her but I have known her since they started dating.

I feel like I should say something too. If I dont I feel like she is going to be holding on to something that was full of lies. I think it will help her to realise its not what she needed.....or she can actually have the choice to decide for herself what to make of the relationship.

Either way, I really want to tell her. But I think he's going to be PISSED!!!
lonestar On June 16, 2021




, Australia
#4New Post! Sep 24, 2006 @ 02:49:53
I think Lili makes a good point, especially in her last paragraph!
sweetrnsugar77 On December 22, 2008

Deleted



My Apartment, Oregon
#5New Post! Sep 24, 2006 @ 02:53:25
If it was me though, I would be very appreciative to have been told that information. Also not telling her could backfire if she found out you knew and didn't say anything.

I AGREE..............thanks guys......are there any people who have another opinion.
kyahbean On August 28, 2016




Williamstown, Massachusetts
#6New Post! Sep 24, 2006 @ 02:56:08
I think that first, you should try to talk to the guy. Tell him that it's making you really uncomfortable, because you consider his girlfriend a friend, and you feel that she should know.

Basically tell him in a nice way that if he doesn't come clean, you have a duty as her friend and a fellow woman to tell her. Give him a chance to come clean, and if he doesn't, talk to her.
sweetrnsugar77 On December 22, 2008

Deleted



My Apartment, Oregon
#7New Post! Sep 24, 2006 @ 03:02:11
We thought about that when they were still together. He met that other girl just a few weeks ago and we both were ready to tell her about it if he didnt but they just broke up.

He really doesnt have any ties to her now....
kyahbean On August 28, 2016




Williamstown, Massachusetts
#8New Post! Sep 24, 2006 @ 03:03:06
@sweetrnsugar77 Said
We thought about that when they were still together. He met that other girl just a few weeks ago and we both were ready to tell her about it if he didnt but they just broke up.

He really doesnt have any ties to her now....


Oooh! They broke up already...I misunderstood. How is she taking the breakup?
sazzie On August 22, 2010




Being naughty :P, United Kingd
#9New Post! Sep 24, 2006 @ 03:04:12
@kyahbean Said
I think that first, you should try to talk to the guy. Tell him that it's making you really uncomfortable, because you consider his girlfriend a friend, and you feel that she should know.

Basically tell him in a nice way that if he doesn't come clean, you have a duty as her friend and a fellow woman to tell her. Give him a chance to come clean, and if he doesn't, talk to her.


Yeah I totally agree with that, make him tell her or you will.
Give him a deadline of maybe a week
lostnconfused On May 05, 2008




Mesa, Arizona
#10New Post! Sep 24, 2006 @ 03:07:48
hmmm I think it should be "put out on the table" she needs to know if she is really into this guy and thinks all is fine...take it from someone who was just side swiped. Once she knows all the facts she can make the decision for herself.

On the other hand. It isn't your relationship. There is a very slight possibility that even if you do tell her for whatever reason she won't believe you.
kyahbean On August 28, 2016




Williamstown, Massachusetts
#11New Post! Sep 24, 2006 @ 03:11:50
@lostnconfused Said
There is a very slight possibility that even if you do tell her for whatever reason she won't believe you.


This is a very good point. It might be a better idea to just be there for her and not try to "fix" it. I dunno.

Me, personally, I would tell her. She has a right to know.
sweetrnsugar77 On December 22, 2008

Deleted



My Apartment, Oregon
#12New Post! Sep 24, 2006 @ 03:26:05
This is sooo sticky. I dont want Eli's friend to be mad at him but I cant stand to see this girl hurting when she shouldnt have to.

She needs the info.
pinksparklystars On October 08, 2015




Austin, Texas
#13New Post! Sep 24, 2006 @ 03:41:19
i guess it depends on how she is taking the break up, and plus my ex's best friend was cheating on his long time girl all the time and i knew and i felt the same way as you but when i told her she did not believe me, plus he just reasured her that he wasnt but she is an idiot so she fell for it, now they are getting married and whatever but i guess if she wants to be with scum then more power to her.
kyahbean On August 28, 2016




Williamstown, Massachusetts
#14New Post! Sep 24, 2006 @ 03:43:38
@sweetrnsugar77 Said
This is sooo sticky. I dont want Eli's friend to be mad at him but I cant stand to see this girl hurting when she shouldnt have to.

She needs the info.


He shouldn't be mad at Eli if *you* go talk to her.
pinksparklystars On October 08, 2015




Austin, Texas
#15New Post! Sep 24, 2006 @ 03:45:21
@kyahbean Said
He shouldn't be mad at Eli if *you* go talk to her.


he probably will be, because guys that do stuff like that normally believe that "b****es" should but under control lol or that is just what i have learned
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