Breaking Up, With Kids

I promise that I'm not totally naive; I have dealt with my own share of bulls***. I guess I just can't picture how I would deal with this one. What does one find to get them through it? How do you adapt when you're used to being the full-time parent? What's the transition like? How long until you're used it? How much do you miss your kids when they're not there half of the days?

It's just not the same as their natural progression away from you as they grow up, or as spending a couple of days away from them for your "me" time. It's not comparable, and I'm wondering what it's like to adapt to that.

Do these questions make any sense? Or have the people who have done mostly just winged it through without really thinking about the "how" of the winging?

I think you just get used to it. You just deal with it the best way you can, because you can't not . Same as any other big changes in life. I mean, it would hurt, but you'd know it was better than the alternative, right? That is what would get you through it.

...unless it was one of those situations where child custody is basically a way to get at each other

But, I suspect if you were the full time parent to begin with (you had the main responsibilities) then you would continue to be so.

Also, if you were single, trying to raise a kid without backup, having them be able to go to their other parents for a day or two might be nice - give you 'me' time. And the thing is, you might still share responsibilities in a similar way, or in a way where you both get to see them most days

When my parents got divorced, it f***'d me up!

That is all I am going to say here!

My ex and I broke up a couple months after I found out I was pregnant.

Honestly, the only part that terrifies me is losing time with my child.

I grew up in a home where my parents did NOT get along and it was hell. There was always fighting and I couldn't stand seeing my mom live so miserably for the "sake of the child"

I still wish she would leave him tbh.

As much as I wish I could force things to work with Zac, I just don't see it happening. Even when we have to be around each other for an hour or so for appointments, there's so much tension. Like him hitting on a girl in our birthing class last week and every little thing has to be a fight.

But I know Zac will love his son and be a great father so it gives me peace at night. I'm not going to be one of those spiteful mothers that tries to keep the kid away from his dad over bitter issues between the two of us. It breaks my heart when I see that crap.

This is one of the reasons I got divorced. Apart from the fact that my relationship with my ex had become horribly disfunctional for several reasons, I didn't want our son to grow up in an environment in which he learned that it was "normal" for adults who are married to fight every day.

What is equally worse is when the parent leaves the household and never returns to visit the child(ren). Most often, the custodial parent gets blamed just as an excuse for irresponsibility.

I think it's far healthier to have two separated and happy parents than two together and unhappy, stressed parents.

This was my situation , believe me It's harder on the kids if the other parent basically divorces / splits up with them when he/she divorces/ splits up with you.
It is better for the 'good' parent because they don't have the worry of ' is he feeding them, is his place warm enough etc... ' but the kids feel abandon by the absent parent and that has to be dealt with.

My children are 9 years apart, both from different relationships. If one father would come through to pick up his son, the other one at home with me would get jealous and sad. It was heartbreaking to see this going on. One thing I can say is that it hardly went on because the visits were few and far in between for both of my kids.

My three were very close in age , the oldest was 3 when the youngest was born . all from the same marriage. They didn't have any issues of jealousy, because he treated all of them the same as if they never existed . it was a whole different story after he quit drinking , but he almost waited to long , the two boys had just about replaced his a** , one with a 'big brother ' from the big brothers and sisters deal , and the other other one had about adopted himself into a friend's family , on a weekend and camping trip type schedule . their daddy had his work cut out to win his sons back . That was a very long time ago . The youngest will be 34 this year .

Well breaking up doesn't really equate to part time parents. And if it does, then there was no full time to begin with. Just because two parents are present in the home doesn't mean that either of them are full time to the child.

I think that... for the parents that truly care...that find themselves in the situation of separation....

... I imagine that they do not go near those feelings unless they have to. I know that I would look at every justifying reason for why it has to be this way before looking at how much it would hurt/suck to not see my child/children as much as I did.

I have none right now... but I can imagine.

I also feel that... females do have a harder time with such situations. Not to say that males do not... but I think that society is formatted in a way that makes it harder for a male to truly express their pain of child separation.

Nothing is concrete... but I am speaking from a generic aspect.

Anomalies everywhere of course.

"What does one find to get them through it?"
Anything you possibly can...I spent a lot of time with my parents and friends to try to pass the time until my children got home...eventually I looked forward to the quiet and relaxing times every other weekend when they would go to their dads. Not that I loved them less but I really appreciated having my own time to do what I want with interruption. I had forgotten what it was like to have ME time haha

"How do you adapt when you're used to being the full-time parent?"
You just do...eventually it become routine and you get stronger and just deal with it.

"What's the transition like?"
It sucks at first, a lot of crying and being lonely...that is why you try to pass the time doing something with someone.

"How long until you're used it?"
Every situation is different, there is no specific time...I felt lonely for a few months and then I got some new hobbies so when the kids went to their dads every other weekend I had something to keep me busy and look forward to.

"How much do you miss your kids when they're not there half of the days?"
My kids are with me most of the month, they go to their dad's every other weekend. I miss them but still look forward to my quiet days that are just for me and my SO.

I really hope when I get older I do not get into a situation like this. That would be super crazy.