Been dumped by your long term partner?

Three weeks since the split (after a 10 yearer) and I'm finally over it. It's been the worst time of my life but thanks to good friends and family, I'm ready to march forth into the future and I feel really positive again.

Everybody is different and no two relationships are the same, though through the lessons I've learned in the last few weeks, there are things that everyone can do to cushion the blow and below I've listed some pointers which I hope will help somebody.

? Remember you're not alone. Everybody goes through a big break up at some point in their life. It might seem like the world has ground to a halt, but there are millions of people going through the same as you right now.

? Accept that you're going to feel like crap. It's inevitable, but you may surprise yourself at how quickly this passes. I got over a good 10 year relationship in two weeks. Keep busy and work on putting your life in order.

? Surround yourself with friends and family. They all want to help, and the more support you have the better. Accept their opinion, but only follow advice if YOU think it's right.

? Accept that it's over. Desperate attempts to win your ex back will only prolong the agony. Stop all romantic/sexual contact right away, and avoid grand gestures.

? Try to get along with your ex. If there are issues like accommodation etc to sort out, you will need to get along with each other especially if you find yourself having to live with your ex while you find somewhere new to reside. Sleep in a different room. Be civil, the last thing you need is more aggrevation.

? Show self respect. Take the initiative to sort your life out, settle bills etc and be forthright in your attitude to moving on with your life. Cry whenever you feel the need to, it doesn't make you look weak. Staying strong will show your ex that you can do perfectly well without them.

? Don't go straight out on the pull. Don't be tempted to get one over on your ex by finding a new partner straight away. Take some time to be on your own and re-evaluate.

? Be aware that no matter how unbothered/passive your ex seems to be, that they are going through exactly the same as you.

? Grow up. Your attitude will change and your outlook on life, friends and relationships will be very different. Learn from the experience. People told me I'd start to become reaquainted with myself and they were right.

? Look to the future. I know, it's a future you weren't expecting or ready for, but you have an opportunity to make the changes you never got round to. Join a gym, give up smoking, learn a new hobby, anything.

You will emerge a different person, embrace your new life and look forward to the things you never thought you'd be experiencing again. BE HAPPY!

Dazzler

I am going to pass all this on to my son, his girlfriend dumped him 2 months ago and he is so upset, heart broken, so many people just say get over it but a broken heart is like losing someone that had died, the pain is the same, I just don't like seeing him so upset,

Awww I am so glad you are feeling so much more positive! It is tough out there. It's been three weeks for me too. I'd been with my boyfriend 4 and a half years. I went very low, very quickly. Then I went very high! Now I feel I'm in the middle somewhere with good times and bad. The mornings are worse for me, when the realisation first hits. But you are right! There is so much out there for everyone and you can't let one set back get you down forever! Good luck to you in the future!

I can't imagine what it must be like to feel like that for two months, the poor lad.

Glad you are getting over it. No one likes to be hurt, but if its not meant to be there is nothing you can do about it. Everyone wants to be happy in life and its not a relationship if one person is not happy.

Thanks jenzwa, it's nice you hear you sounding positive too!

What molly says is so true. When you have that comfort zone, it seems unthinkable that you'll ever be without it, even when the relationship is dead. I struggled to admit it was over because I loved her and resented the fact that she wanted out. I thought it could be worked at and fixed but in retrospect I was fooling myself. I applaud her for calling the split, somebody had to do it and it would never have been me.

I'm in a good place at the moment, I feel liberated. I would say to anybody in the position I was in 3 weeks ago that 'the end' is actually 'the beginning'.