An extremely weird person

The title of this thread is how I would most accurately describe myself. Maybe most people won't be able to relate to this, I don't know, but I think for my own well being I should attempt to communicate what is going through my head.

I feel stupid, mentally slow. I could just be crazy, but I function like I'm slow. A lot of times, when someone says something to me, my mind won't "settle" on the meaning of the words, like I have trouble focusing. I have trouble with doing basic arithmetic, although I was adequate in my algerbra classes, it is another reason I think I am slow. The only thing I have scored high in is Reading Comprehension, scoring in mid-nineties most recently at a college placement test. Despite that, I still feel like I have no mental worth.

Another problematic perception, is that I feel like I am ugly. I've had assurances to the contrary, but civilized society has oodles of pity and layers of deception. Bascically I feel like I am utterly worthless. Like some ugly retard walking around, but that I am aware of it.

I've had assurances that all of it is in my head, and that all I need is confidence. All of these words are building to something....I DON'T GET THAT CONCEPT! I know there is something wrong with me, but no one wants to acknowledge this. I guess what I am trying to ask is, how do I get people to be honest about what is wrong with me, so I can attempt to change?

All I want, is to be completely different than I am now, except better.

Some people are better at reading than hearing comprehension. I worked for a man once that was just the opposite. I could write down his messages and he'd stare at them for a minute without fulling taking them in. Verbal though and he was on the spot. I had to read him his messages because he couldn't take them in by reading them himself!

Everyone is different and you should learn to live with your faults. None of us are perfect and we all have our challenges. You should focus on the stuff you can do and either forgive yourself for what you can't do or work to improve those skills.

In the meantime, cut yourself some slack. It's awful hard being so judgmental on yourself. We are our own worst critics but we don't have to make our lives hell because we don't think we compare in a positive light to others.

I bet you a hundred bucks right here and right now that there is at least one person you know that would give their right arm to trade places with you. I'd win that bet too.

Just try to take it easy on yourself. You are the only self you have. You should start caring about it.

Have you considered the possibility that maybe you are wrong that people are lying to you, or sugarcoating things?

If not, just try to think of it as mere possibility. Then perhaps you can entertain the possibility that you are misinterpreting everything that people do, all the events that go on around you, things that people tell you, etc. to fit your pre-existing notions.

One person I know? I doubt it, especially since I don't know a great many people. I can't rule out the possibility, but it seems unlikely.

As far as the things I can do, I really don't know what I am good at. I've heard some say writing, but I doubt that. That's the thing, I don't perceive myself has having any discernable talents.

I've tried not to care, and take it easy on myself, sometimes I feel "okay", but most of the time I'd rather not be conscious.



Even if they were lying, I've had others call be ugly(just other dudes, but still), and stupid. Also, I already do think I misinterpret what people say/do, and I end up trying to stop thinking about it because all of the possibilities make me sick.

In the end, I'm left with just me, and I end up vilifying myself.

Don't rule it out. Trust me. The human species has a pretty vast expanse of envy. You may not know them know them. But they think they know you and they'd give their eye teeth to be in your shoes.

In all reality I think you think too much about this. You need to get off the subject of yourself. Go donate some time to a homeless shelter, go teach disadvantaged kids to read, go help in a soup line. Go do something that shows you there is more to this world than the problems you face. Additionally it will make you feel good for helping.

The number one solution for getting yourself off your mind and to make you feel better about yourself is to help others. Find a way. You will do good and people will be grateful for assistance.

I see what you are saying, if I focus helping on other people then I won't have time to focus on myself. It's just...I'm in too much of a neurotic place to do something like that. Not a problem with your advice, but with me.

I need some real world validation to make my shattered self coalesce again. The problem is, I don't know how to get that.

Dude, to be honest, you likely get real world validation but are quick to set it aside because you don't believe it.

Since that's not working, try something new.
I agree that helping out other people would be a good start.

I might somewhat get validation on internal forums, but I don't recall recently getting it. Right now, I'd assume most wouldn't want my "help." I'm too stupid and intellectually ineffectual to actually be valuable.

I can relate somewhat to what you are saying.I find that other peoples words have very little impact on me and that I have trouble concentrating on what they are saying,often my mind wandering when they talk to me without myself knowing it.Also when it comes to basic stuff like mental arithmatic ect.. I get a mental block just like I have several times already typing this post,my memory is shot.

Have you ever used/abused drugs/alcohol in the past?.

TBH it sounds like you might have depression,and with that can come s***load more problems including paranoia.Maybe you should think about going to see a doctor.

Hey,

No I haven't abused drugs (did weed once) I have drank very marginally (about once every several months, on average). Depression? Sure, yes I am depressed, I've already been to see a doctor. Not much help there.

I'm starting to think I should've abused streets drugs, lol.

See theres your problem! You're not drinking enough! Binge drink to excess once a week and after a few months you'll start to not really care what most people think. Sure fire solution.

I think everyone's felt like that at some point or other. It's all a matter of perception. You have it wired into your brain that you're ugly and incapable of being confident, so you're going to force yourself to conform to that belief, making a vicious cycle that can be difficult to get out of.

I would recommend going to see someone, a doctor or counsellor or whatever. I'd also recommend looking into CBT as it's very helpful in allowing you to change your thought processes and turn them into positive ones.

Trust me, the way you perceive yourself is most likely entirely different to how others perceive you. The fact that you know there's something wrong is a good start.

That's a big step to be able to admit that you misinterpret what people say/do. Now you just need to learn to believe that more, and dismiss your biggest worries.

I agree with sister_of_mercy. CBT is definitely the way to go. It takes patience, hard work, and a lot of opening up about very private matters. But it can be done, and I wish you the best of luck

TIME and changing your thought patterns. Been there and still am at times. It's hard to change the way we see ourselves but the worst thing to do is listen to what others have to say about us because then we are letting them control how we feel about US and they don't have all the details to do that with assurance!

That is our job and in all some people will more than likely bring your self-esteem lower than it already is, especially on the net for they don't know you they only know what you tell them and even that is not a solid basis to comment on because 'communication' on the net is the worse type of communication to get across.

So! My advice for all it's worth is YOU find something YOU feel makes you worth while and worthy. Having good grades and school does not a confident person make. It's what inside of you and everything about you that encompasses who you are.

Hope you can start changing the way YOU think about yourself and gain the confidence you need to stop hurting and accept yourself as is with faults and all.

Never rely on others to make you count in this world or you will be let down and there goes your self-esteem built up by others rather than the one you build up for yourself because then no one can take that one away from you.

Actually you are a bit off the mark on that one. While real world validation is nice, it's not really what a person needs to feel good about themselves. Sometimes the world isn't a nice place. You won't get validation from them. The only person really capable of showing you your true worth is yourself. Which means you have to do things that make you feel good about yourself. Whether it's taking care of your personal responsibilities or helping others. Those are the two best ways to build self esteem and to really feel of value.

Right now you have this whole downward spiral of a negative internal dialogue going on. It feeds off of itself and you need to break the cycle. When you want people to put that validated stamp on your forehead it only feeds into your thoughts of being unable to do it yourself. The truth is that you can do it. You have just convinced yourself you can't.

What you need to do is tell that voice in your head to shut the hell up and do new things. As long as you listen to that voice you will continue in this pattern which will only work to increase your misery and self doubt.

Act outside of the box. Ignore your instincts if you have to. Train your mind to be kinder to yourself. Every time you have a negative thought about yourself make yourself stop and focus on something positive. Go for a walk, treat yourself to something pleasant, force yourself to find some positive aspects of yourself.

You obviously have to have some good traits. You need to find a way to find and nurture them.