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Am I Being Unreasonable?

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x_Laura_x On February 19, 2020
Majestic Unicorn





Nowhere, United Kingdom
#1New Post! Aug 25, 2012 @ 17:01:27
As some of you know my family are looking to move house. They said we would stay in town but now they've gone back on their word and are looking at houses in other towns.

I really don't want to move towns and I've told my mum this.

I told her that we would have to reach a compromise, so I offered to move out of the family home so that they can move to another town if that's what they really want and I can stay in the town we're in now.

But apparently "we're doing this as a family" and my mum won't actually LET me go.

She's calling me "selfish", "unreasonable" and "inconsiderate" but I feel like it's her who is being that way.

Am I in the wrong for suggesting a compromise? I'm struggling to understand my mum's logic. Am I being unreasonable?

I have to move out sometime, right?
sister_of_mercy On March 11, 2015




London, United Kingdom
#2New Post! Aug 25, 2012 @ 17:18:35
It's not unreasonable at all. Lots of people move out of the family home when they're 21 and you offering to do so to compromise seems actually rather fair. This way you both get what you want.

Maybe she doesn't want to lose you in a way?
I know some parents get upset when their children leave home, and having it be because she wants to move might make her feel a bit guilty for pushing you out so to speak.

Or perhaps she thinks you're only offering to move out due to passive aggression and it's just a way of sulking about it. Maybe if you made it clear why you want to move out she wouldn't mind as much.

Either way I think the only way to resolve it is to sit down and talk with her.
Sparklegirl On December 13, 2019
LL.M





Cumbria, United Kingdom
#3New Post! Aug 25, 2012 @ 17:49:56
I'm with you Laura, you want to stay in EG while the rest want to move towns so there really is no other way that I can see. You would be likely to be miserable if you moved and they wont stay- so yours seems to be a good compramise. Perhaps ask if tey want to look at flats or houses with you so thye feel included, or flat share with a friend?
sTreetAngeL On November 27, 2019
root tedt ree





in a paradox,
#4New Post! Aug 25, 2012 @ 17:51:56
It's not an unreasonable idea at all. However, since you point out yourself that you will be moving out sometime anyway; it's only logical therefore, that the new house they choose will be in an area which they, first, will be happy with. Since they will be staying there.
sTreetAngeL On November 27, 2019
root tedt ree





in a paradox,
#5New Post! Aug 25, 2012 @ 17:53:25
And no, you are not being "selfish" to live where you choose; where you will be happy!
DiscordTiger On about 1 hour ago
The Queen of Random

Administrator




Emerald City, United States (g
#6New Post! Aug 26, 2012 @ 00:19:13
It's probably that your mom is just not ready to let go yet.

At 21, you should be able to move out. You have a steady job, so it would just be a matter of finding a place with in your means.

Of course I went away to school 5 hours from my parents, right after I turned 18 and didn't have any desire to go back, even staying summers there was hard.

I know my mom took it a little hard, her baby leaving the house and all, and I do feel bad about causing her pain, that way, but at the same time I wouldn't of been happy at home.

I would assume it's hard to let go, but eventually your mom has to, if not over this move over something else. But that angst is going to happen eventually, you do have to move out sometime, so doing it now, sounds like it might leave everyone happier in the long run. Not really selfish at all.
Dark_Tink On December 30, 2018
<3 Boobie <3





, Canada
#7New Post! Aug 26, 2012 @ 00:40:02
I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. Everyone has to get out on their own sometime.
Demented On May 09, 2020




, Australia
#8New Post! Aug 26, 2012 @ 00:49:30
A lot of parents think they own their kids,but they really only have a lend of them while growing up,your at an age where you will want to go your own way and do your own thing,you mother has to wake up to the fact.

Your not being selfish or unreasonable,frankly your mother is,so if you decide to stay she'll get over it.
Cpat92 On June 15, 2020
It's all or nothing





Lauderhill, Florida
#9New Post! Aug 26, 2012 @ 02:06:43
I don't think you were being unreasonable at all. I agree with you.
twilitezone911 On March 25, 2019




Saint Louis, Missouri
#10New Post! Aug 26, 2012 @ 03:13:35
it is very naturally that you want to live on your own, and it is naturally that your mother think you are not ready to move out. if you can manage without your family live in town, but make sure your family is not too far away from you. you do need moral support. when i was your age, and my mom told me that i had a choice between her moving another state, and i could join her or stay here. i am not sure what i would do back then, i would probably buy a lot of post cards for her, and she mail me one card a week. my mom and i had a close relationship back then. my advice is you want to stay where you are now, let your mother know nicely. or compromise with your family that you are willing to go, if they will let you move out there to find own place in 6 months to a year, or soon. try to meet them half way.
DorkySupergirl On November 02, 2017




, Canada
#11New Post! Aug 26, 2012 @ 03:17:18
I am not sure of your age but everyone here moves out at 18 so its normal and common to move out and be on your own when you are an adult. But what I do not get is if she wants you to stay and be a family is why your opinion about where to live does not seem to matter.

I am sure its hard for parents, especially moms when their kids move out but when an adult, its time to venture out on your own so its not being unreasonable.
sweetheart5545 On November 06, 2013




, Florida
#12New Post! Aug 26, 2012 @ 03:41:23
@sTreetAngeL Said

And no, you are not being "selfish" to live where you choose; where you will be happy!



I agree,there's nothing wrong with that.
sTreetAngeL On November 27, 2019
root tedt ree





in a paradox,
#13New Post! Aug 26, 2012 @ 14:36:00
@DorkySupergirl Said

I am not sure of your age but everyone here moves out at 18 so its normal and common to move out and be on your own when you are an adult. But what I do not get is if she wants you to stay and be a family is why your opinion about where to live does not seem to matter.

I am sure its hard for parents, especially moms when their kids move out but when an adult, its time to venture out on your own so its not being unreasonable.



Exactly. Seems the mom in this case is the one being, "selfish", "unreasonable", and "inconsiderate".
x_Laura_x On February 19, 2020
Majestic Unicorn





Nowhere, United Kingdom
#14New Post! Aug 26, 2012 @ 15:05:26
Blargh so we did the whole "we need to talk" and basically she isn't backing down I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY
ThePainefulTruth On May 06, 2013
Verum est Deus


Deleted



Peoria, Arizona
#15New Post! Aug 26, 2012 @ 15:11:13
@sTreetAngeL Said

Exactly. Seems the mom in this case is the one being, "selfish", "unreasonable", and "inconsiderate".


IMHO, the real problem is when the child won't leave, whether the parents want them to leave or not. I understand things are a little different now with the economy, but I get the feeling the "kids" are just settling in, staying into their thirties. I'd work 3 burger flipping jobs and live in a 200 sqft apartment to live on my own if I had to.
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