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Advice needed: A relationship is at risk. :(

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jemsy On May 14, 2010




Somerset, United Kingdom
#1New Post! Feb 13, 2008 @ 15:46:37
Hey, thanks for clicking on this, and if you have, a comment would be greatly appreciated. Sooo...

I've been with this guy for 4 months, i see him regularly (we go to college together) and i also see him out of college. (NOTE: i took his virginity. Heh.)

PROBLEM 1: With Valentines day looming i feel a sense of awkwardness, i really have fallen for him in the past 4 months, so i want to tell him i love him, yet he tells me he likes me alot and cares about me... I dunno, i just feel like i love him (and he might not love me?) It's hard anyway to put yourself out there i guess.
Am i rushing things? Or being stupid to presume someone to say "i love you" within 4 months?

PROBLEM 2: He leaves for university in 7 months (one that is hours away.) A part of me wants to end this relationship before i will get hurt more... If we are still together in 7 months and it ends then surely it will be much harder to handle. I also don't liuke the idea that i'm in a relationship with an expiry date?... I also jokingly said to him "where is this going?" and he replied "well, as long as you're not like "together forever and stuff" then whatever." So yeah.. I think that he may split up with me when he go's to uni... That makes me feel kinda used....


Any help would be greatly appreciated. Honestly. Thankyou for reading.


*UPDATE*
INPORTANT INFO: (maybe.)
At the start of the relationship he told me that it could be a "kindof serious relationship" due to him going to uni. 2 months in i jokingly said "are we playing for keeps?" (I dunno, quoting a song) And he replied "yeah, we are, i mean, i thought this was more serious anyway."

Plus he has told me things that he has never told anyone before.

He's also considering not going to uni because he may choose to stay in college for a few more years.

I know i should talk to him, but a part of me just keeps putting it off... I keep telling myself t hat things will sort themselves out, but it's getting really hard for me.
nectar On May 26, 2008

Deleted



here of course, United Kingdom
#2New Post! Feb 13, 2008 @ 15:52:13
Sounds to me like he's out for a good time and doesn't want to become "tied" yet.
iliterate_enginere On February 12, 2010

Deleted



Wichita, Kansas
#3New Post! Feb 13, 2008 @ 15:54:13
Hmmm...You should definitely ask him how he feels about you two, and whether or not he thinks there's hope that you two can stay together first. If he thinks there's hope then you should also tell him you love him. If you don't, you may regret it for the rest of your life. A lot can happen in 7 months.
drgoofymofo On September 12, 2011




Council Bluffs, Iowa
#4New Post! Feb 13, 2008 @ 15:55:45
Hmmm... Based on Problem 2 I would not say I love you. Problem 2 sounds like he Likes you alot but he might not be ready for any long distance relationship. I think the best thing you can do is sit down with him and talk to him about your fears, Honesty is the best policy.
My advice is figure out where he thinks your going then worry about the rest.
knotme On March 20, 2016




London, United Kingdom
#5New Post! Feb 13, 2008 @ 15:55:47
Perhaps he doesn't want to get too serious as he's going away to university.

Also, there's more than one way to tell someone you love them. Maybe he's not good at putting it into words. Does he behave as if he loves you?
jemsy On May 14, 2010




Somerset, United Kingdom
#6New Post! Feb 13, 2008 @ 15:56:15
I would normally agree but there are things such as:
- Wanting to spend ALOT of time with me (any free time)
- Calling me "beautiful" and "amazing"
- Telling me how much i make him happy.
- Once said "i would be nothing without you."


& other stuff that would indicate this is more than just fun(?)
alan82 On March 24, 2008

Deleted



Hudson, Florida
#7New Post! Feb 13, 2008 @ 15:57:02
well jemsy, Ill put myself in his shoes and tell you how id feel, then take it for what its worth.

If I were with you and wed been together for that amount of time AND you were my first, Id want to know how you feel about me. Id feel like you owe it to yourself and to me to let me know how you feel and maybe I am hesitant to say that I love you cause I am thinking like you and dont want to seem like I am jumping the gun.

So basiclly, you owe it to yourself to let him know how you feel about him, and if he does not return the feelings, then you know you can end it then and there and not wait longer wondering if he is just gonna end it when he goes off. And ask him, do you want to stay together when you go off or are we done when you do? Based on his answers to you, you will know what to do from there. And I hope he answers the right way, if not, keep in mind, its HIS loss not yours. That just means that there is someone else out there that will appreciate you for you and want to be with you no matter what! Good luck sweetie!
andrewsh On September 04, 2008




great yarmouth, United Kingdom
#8New Post! Feb 13, 2008 @ 15:57:14
youre what 17,just enjoy what youve got at the moment,when you find the right one you wont have to ask how he feels.
jemsy On May 14, 2010




Somerset, United Kingdom
#9New Post! Feb 13, 2008 @ 15:59:49
I know i'm young and stuff, and i hate the fact that 'cus of my age then when i say "i love you" it's looked down on by adults because i'm "not old enough to know what love is." Haha. Believe me, i have had alot of life experiance.
drgoofymofo On September 12, 2011




Council Bluffs, Iowa
#10New Post! Feb 13, 2008 @ 16:01:12
If you belive you are adult enough then I don't think you should be talking to us about it. I think You should talk to him.
knotme On March 20, 2016




London, United Kingdom
#11New Post! Feb 13, 2008 @ 16:01:43
Love isn't governed by age. So nobody should be looking down on you.
treacle On July 11, 2009




B/Stoke, United Kingdom
#12New Post! Feb 13, 2008 @ 16:02:42
I personally wouldnt tell someone I loved them, unless I thought I was going to get the desired response back. Alot of people will disagree with me and tell you to go for it. But for me personally, its a safety thing....I mean, what if he doesnt say it back? Do you know him well enough to judge how he might react?

As for the second problem, its a tricky one. My main concern would be that if he cant offer you any security about him going to uni ie a long distance relationship then its down to you. Balls in your court. There is no right or wrong answer, just your judgement, after all its your feelings at stake.

Perhaps talk to him?
andrewsh On September 04, 2008




great yarmouth, United Kingdom
#13New Post! Feb 13, 2008 @ 16:04:19
@jemsy Said
I know i'm young and stuff, and i hate the fact that 'cus of my age then when i say "i love you" it's looked down on by adults because i'm "not old enough to know what love is." Haha. Believe me, i have had alot of life experiance.


soz it wasnt a put down,you now how you feel.but if he feels the same we wouldnt be having this convo.just have fun there is a time for everything,this just might not be your time to settle down.
jeanettesianrachel On September 16, 2016




Medway, United Kingdom
#14New Post! Feb 13, 2008 @ 16:04:28
dont tell him you love himcos when you have asked where your going,his come out with as long as were not together for ever shows although he likes and cares for you it isnt gonna be a for ever thing,you should have a serious talk with him think about what hes said and decide what to do from there,personally i think its just a sex thing in his mind and when uni starts it wont be that,i knew of a couple who went to 2 different unis but was in love and i mean real love within 3 months it was off.
jemsy On May 14, 2010




Somerset, United Kingdom
#15New Post! Feb 13, 2008 @ 16:07:15
It's just that, before this relationship., i swore that i wouldn't be vulnerable. That i awould always look at things logically...

And i can't help but think th at my feelings really have got too much of a hold on me, logically i would end this relationship.

INPORTANT INFO: (maybe.)
At the start of the relationship he told me that it could be a "kindof serious relationship" due to him going to uni. 2 months in i jokingly said "are we playing for keeps?" (I dunno, quoting a song) And he replied "yeah, we are, i mean, i thought this was more serious anyway."

Plus he has told me things that he has never told anyone before.

He's also considering not going to uni because he may choose to stay in college for a few more years.

I know i should talk to him, but a part of me just keeps putting it off... I keep telling myself t hat things will sort themselves out, but it's getting really hard for me.
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