The Forum Site - Join the conversation
Forums: Relationships:
Family

Adult Siblings

Reply to Topic
AuthorMessage
Pages: 1 2 · >>
white_swan53 On March 19, 2020




n/a, New Mexico
#1New Post! Aug 05, 2015 @ 15:19:38
How can siblings who were raised by the same parents or grand parents be so different as adults ?
It's like a sibling will completely forget what he/she was taught about values and beliefs .

What are your thoughts on how people who are raised by the same parents turn out so different on issues that are basically the foundation of the values and beliefs they were taught growing up ?
Hypnotica On June 11, 2020

Banned



Steel City (Sheffield), United
#2New Post! Aug 05, 2015 @ 18:00:30
@white_swan53 Said

How can siblings who were raised by the same parents or grand parents be so different as adults ?
It's like a sibling will completely forget what he/she was taught about values and beliefs .

What are your thoughts on how people who are raised by the same parents turn out so different on issues that are basically the foundation of the values and beliefs they were taught growing up ?


A) In this day and age, society encourages us that our parents beliefs may be wrong. And that has happened through out time. Otherwise there would never been change.

B) Society has changed from our parents, so our values and beliefs alter accordingly or else we become obselete.

C) It is possible to alter your values and beliefs quite sradically. I have done it myself.
white_swan53 On March 19, 2020




n/a, New Mexico
#3New Post! Aug 05, 2015 @ 18:10:13
@Hypnotica Said

A) In this day and age, society encourages us that our parents beliefs may be wrong. And that has happened through out time. Otherwise there would never been change.

B) Society has changed from our parents, so our values and beliefs alter accordingly or else we become obselete.

C) It is possible to alter your values and beliefs quite sradically. I have done it myself.


The values and beliefs a person was taught as a kid growing up doesn't change beause society encourages it .
Here is a bit of history to explaine my question in the OP.
My two brothers and myself were raised by our paternal grandparents who instilled ,or tried to , instill in us the values and habits that they themselves practiced. They paid their bills , didn't rip off their neighbors, kept a promise when they made one, didn't steal from any store or place of business, didn't tell lies . And one of the most important things I remember hearing them say one more then a few occasions is that blood is thicker then water and you don't ever turn your back on your family.

My oldest brother not only seems to have totally forgotten what we were taught but has done things that makes it seem like he was never exposed to anything resembling honesty or honor or truth . And he did these to family members at a time when they were dealing with the sudden death of their dad.
Hypnotica On June 11, 2020

Banned



Steel City (Sheffield), United
#4New Post! Aug 05, 2015 @ 18:23:12
@white_swan53 Said

The values and beliefs a person was taught as a kid growing up doesn't change beause society encourages it .
Here is a bit of history to explaine my question in the OP.
My two brothers and myself were raised by our paternal grandparents who instilled ,or tried to , instill in us the values and habits that they themselves practiced. They paid their bills , didn't rip off their neighbors, kept a promise when they made one, didn't steal from any store or place of business, didn't tell lies . And one of the most important things I remember hearing them say one more then a few occasions is that blood is thicker then water and you don't ever turn your back on your family.

My oldest brother not only seems to have totally forgotten what we were taught but has done things that makes it seem like he was never exposed to anything resembling honesty or honor or truth . And he did these to family members at a time when they were dealing with the sudden death of their dad.


OK, I dont know your brothers life history. Im going to keep this as simple as possible.

Purpose

Identity

Beliefs and Values

Capabilities and skills

Behaviour

Environment


The above are what is classed as our logical levels of experience (in life). They dictate how we act and behave, to ourselves and others.

Did these differ with your older brother to the rest of your family. IE, id he spend a lot of his life ina different environment to the others? Interesting note: The higher up the pyramid you make a change, the more effect it has on lower levels. Im going to guess that there was some influence from somewhere which created different Beliefs and Values, unless your parents kept you all under lock and chain 24/7. Who knows maybe they neglected him more compared to younger siblings.

Think hard and Deep, maybe you know more than you think you know.


As a side note: I was raised in a Christian family and my parents tried their hardest to instill Christian Beliefs and Values on me. It didnt work. I have seen many other church kids bought up in similar environments, who turned out like a photocopied version of their parents, basically living their parents wishes. Yet I noticed pattern with Christian raised kids, it goes one way or the other. Either strong christian beliefs and values. Or like myself, we fight it strongly, we have to instill opposite values and beliefs in ourselves that are quite off the scale just to counter what is being instilled.

And as far as society goes. Really? Im going to use Racism and Homophobia as an example. It is mostly society that has changed the view on these (just simple things like the credits at the end of TV programs such as Grimm, showing two guys together as the end graphic after the credit). So I do believe society does dictate our reality, but I also think the acceptance has to be their within to start with. Society just strengthens beliefs and values or strengthens opposition.

Anyway this a deep topic. Once I have read some more Grinder and Bandler, I will happily resume it. But so far I in no way class myself as fully knowledgable to give a proper detailed explanation.

My condolences to your dad.
white_swan53 On March 19, 2020




n/a, New Mexico
#5New Post! Aug 05, 2015 @ 18:58:09
We had a pretty rough early childhood , then we wound up living with our grand parents until we all was old enough to go out on our own . The 3 of us were together when dealing with the rough parts , the bruises and broken bones were spread pretty evenly between all 3 of us . We were together when it got good and the healing and care was spread pretty evenly to all 3 of us.

I haveknown peoplewho like yourself was raised in a christian home with the parents tried their hardest to instill Christian Beliefs and Values on their kids and lated on those same kids turned away from those Christian Beliefs and Values but didnt turn into evil nasty devils .
Like I said just because changes are encouraged by outside influences , the person doesn't forget what they learned as kids growing up.
Yes I know there are exceptions to every rule , a kid that was raised in pure hell on earth grows up to learn how to be a hhappy healthy adult , a kid that was raised in a christian home grows uo to become child molester .
restoreone On May 23, 2020




, Ohio
#6New Post! Aug 05, 2015 @ 19:09:41
Often it is not the teaching of the beliefs but the acceptance of them
Example the animals and plants speak to me in ways others can not see or hear. You may or may not accept this but I would bet that you only need to be in the paddock a few minutes before you know something is wrong with one of your horses most would NOT see this you would..
white_swan53 On March 19, 2020




n/a, New Mexico
#7New Post! Aug 05, 2015 @ 20:35:31
Here is the 'story' in part why I ask
How can siblings who were raised by the same parents or grand parents be so different as adults ?



My brother Larry was killed suddenly when the semi tractor and heavy haul trailer he was driving went off an embankment , he was only 46 and didn't have all his affairs taken care of . Like most of us he had been meaning to get to it but just hadn't done it yet .

Years before he had taken out a life insurance policy at the time his three kids were still pretty young and none of them were settled . He put our oldest brother Wade as the beneficiary with the understanding that in the event that something happened , Wade would pay off all the bills owed at the time of Larry's death and whatever was left was to be split evenly between Larrys 3 kids .

Well ,something happened,, his truck went off that embankment , We weren't worried about my oldest brother doing what he had agreed to do . Then as time went by and nothing was being said about gathering up all the bills and and other paper work that would be needed to probate the estate and get started on settling Larry's estate. Almost a year after our brothers death I called Wade and I ask if he was getting started on what he had agreed to do about Larry's estate and had he heard from the insurance company yet ,,,,

I was met with "Huh , What was I going on about ? " I reminded him that he had agreed to pay off any out standing bills Larry had and then split evenly what was left , between Larry's three kids.

My brother scuffed and ask me what was I smoking . He said that when Larry had made him beneficiary, Larry had told him that he wanted him to have the money . The kicker that makes what he did even worse is this, Several years before Wade had bought a home he couldn't afford .Larry stepped up and for about 5 years made most of the house payments and bought all the family's food and dry goods . My oldest brother never even offered to repay Larry a dime of that money.

Not quite 2 years after Larry's death Wade sold the property and house Larry had helped pay for and moved to Florida where he bought two homes . One for himself and one for his oldest son .

Two of Larry's kids stepped up and paid off most his out standing bills. Some of them they would give the bill collectors their uncle's phone number and tell them that he had gotten all the money from the estate with the understanding he would take care of the bills.
Demented On May 09, 2020




, Australia
#8New Post! Aug 06, 2015 @ 10:17:26
@white_swan53 Said

Here is the 'story' in part why I ask
How can siblings who were raised by the same parents or grand parents be so different as adults ?



My brother Larry was killed suddenly when the semi tractor and heavy haul trailer he was driving went off an embankment , he was only 46 and didn't have all his affairs taken care of . Like most of us he had been meaning to get to it but just hadn't done it yet .

Years before he had taken out a life insurance policy at the time his three kids were still pretty young and none of them were settled . He put our oldest brother Wade as the beneficiary with the understanding that in the event that something happened , Wade would pay off all the bills owed at the time of Larry's death and whatever was left was to be split evenly between Larrys 3 kids .

Well ,something happened,, his truck went off that embankment , We weren't worried about my oldest brother doing what he had agreed to do . Then as time went by and nothing was being said about gathering up all the bills and and other paper work that would be needed to probate the estate and get started on settling Larry's estate. Almost a year after our brothers death I called Wade and I ask if he was getting started on what he had agreed to do about Larry's estate and had he heard from the insurance company yet ,,,,

I was met with "Huh , What was I going on about ? " I reminded him that he had agreed to pay off any out standing bills Larry had and then split evenly what was left , between Larry's three kids.

My brother scuffed and ask me what was I smoking . He said that when Larry had made him beneficiary, Larry had told him that he wanted him to have the money . The kicker that makes what he did even worse is this, Several years before Wade had bought a home he couldn't afford .Larry stepped up and for about 5 years made most of the house payments and bought all the family's food and dry goods . My oldest brother never even offered to repay Larry a dime of that money.

Not quite 2 years after Larry's death Wade sold the property and house Larry had helped pay for and moved to Florida where he bought two homes . One for himself and one for his oldest son .

Two of Larry's kids stepped up and paid off most his out standing bills. Some of them they would give the bill collectors their uncle's phone number and tell them that he had gotten all the money from the estate with the understanding he would take care of the bills.



I suppose to put this in a nut shell,Blood is thicker than water,your Grandparents were right,but when there's money involved the stakes change in some of us,some for the good others for the sheer greed of things.

I once said to my Mother that my brother and I probably wouldn't talk again after her and dad were gone. There's an old saying"Brothers by birth,friends by choice",I see no point in talking to that A'hole of a brother of mine anymore.
white_swan53 On March 19, 2020




n/a, New Mexico
#9New Post! Aug 07, 2015 @ 02:55:22
@Demented Said

I suppose to put this in a nut shell,Blood is thicker than water,your Grandparents were right,but when there's money involved the stakes change in some of us,some for the good others for the sheer greed of things.

I once said to my Mother that my brother and I probably wouldn't talk again after her and dad were gone. There's an old saying"Brothers by birth,friends by choice",I see no point in talking to that A'hole of a brother of mine anymore.



I can relate , our brother Larry has been gone for 10 years this August and I haven't spoken to my oldest brother in about 8 years
Demented On May 09, 2020




, Australia
#10New Post! Aug 08, 2015 @ 02:09:12
@white_swan53 Said

I can relate , our brother Larry has been gone for 10 years this August and I haven't spoken to my oldest brother in about 8 years



It's sad to think families can turn against each other,BUT, I suppose like death and taxes................that's life.
white_swan53 On March 19, 2020




n/a, New Mexico
#11New Post! Aug 08, 2015 @ 04:51:24
@Demented Said

It's sad to think families can turn against each other,BUT, I suppose like death and taxes................that's life.



I tell any family or friends of the family that ask about my brother and me " we have a mutual disrespect for each other " . Now that may sound like I'm taking the high road by not going into detail of what an a****** he is, but I'm really not, see I know my brother, and when that family member or friend of the family goes and asks him what I meant by that ,
He gets all pee pee hearted and then tries to explaine that I'm nuts and have some stupid fantasy about the insurance money and Larry's bills and his kids , which of course makes him look like a what???
If Larry's kids had a dollar for every time their uncle has thrown himself under the bus, they would have a little pile of dollars.
Electric_Banana On July 06, 2020




, New Zealand
#12New Post! Aug 08, 2015 @ 14:33:21
My family was raised during the segregation and puritan periods. It was their ignorant conservatism which suppressed everyone enough to bring forth the hippies like a beach ball held too far down under the waves.

It would be real easy for myself to also bark about all those things I know better about and practice and how disappointed I am in the lack of try that I see but, unlike those during said periods, I was born during an age where in it was encouraged to investigate more than accuse so I know that not everyone had been granted the same advantages I had been granted that got me ahead of them all in those areas.

And Christianities' "Gays going to Hell" crap? I think they finally dealt the last blow to themselves during this generation.
chaski 14 minutes ago
Stalker





Tree at Floydgirrl's Window,
#13New Post! Aug 08, 2015 @ 19:47:21
@white_swan53 Said

Here is the 'story' in part why I ask
How can siblings who were raised by the same parents or grand parents be so different as adults ?
......



Yes.

My father is on his "last legs" at 83.

[On the other hand, my grandmother was on her last legs from 78 to 101. Just before she died, one of my cousins ask the doctor "how long do we have?" His reply was (literally), "Heck... with most people I would say she has a few days. But, I would have said that about your grandmother at least a half dozen times before....she is the "Energizer Bunny" " ]

Anyway, back on topic... my dad is on his "last legs" and my siblings seem an awful lot like circling vultures in terms of whatever "inheritance" there is.

( INHERITANCE! as if we were wealthy people!!! )

I have been sitting by watching, in embarrassment. I won't participate.

I told my siblings that the only thing I want is the hiking staff he used to go up Mount Fuji... I'm not holding my breath for that.
white_swan53 On March 19, 2020




n/a, New Mexico
#14New Post! Aug 09, 2015 @ 02:16:45
@chaski Said

Yes.

My father is on his "last legs" at 83.

[On the other hand, my grandmother was on her last legs from 78 to 101. Just before she died, one of my cousins ask the doctor "how long do we have?" His reply was (literally), "Heck... with most people I would say she has a few days. But, I would have said that about your grandmother at least a half dozen times before....she is the "Energizer Bunny" " ]

Anyway, back on topic... my dad is on his "last legs" and my siblings seem an awful lot like circling vultures in terms of whatever "inheritance" there is.

( INHERITANCE! as if we were wealthy people!!! )

I have been sitting by watching, in embarrassment. I won't participate.

I told my siblings that the only thing I want is the hiking staff he used to go up Mount Fuji... I'm not holding my breath for that.



When our dad passed he was with wife # 7 , two days after he had died , 6 days before the funeral my two brothers and I went up to Santa Fe where dad had lived for the last 30 years of his life. The three of us did a double take when we walked into dads house , life had not been absolutely positive that we were at the correct address we would have excused ourselves and left. I swear the only thing in that entire house that showed dad had ever been there was the photo of my oldest brother as a fresh faced private in the army ,. It was sitting on the shelf next to the youngest son' of the wife , same type of photo .
We asked the wife where dads tools and welder were , she said her oldest son had ask if he could have them as keepsakes to remember his 'dad' by , which is crappola, at family gatherings the family spent more time getting between those two to break up the argument then we ever did visiting.
When my brothers and I left that house the evening one of us carried a box about 18 ins x 12 ins and 8 ins deep . We got all of our school report cards , shot records , birthday and xmas cards we had sent dad over the years and all of his marriage licenses and divorce paper work from the preceding 6 wives ..
There was nothing of dads in that house or his work shop out back of the house.
white_swan53 On March 19, 2020




n/a, New Mexico
#15New Post! Aug 09, 2015 @ 02:32:34
Of course as any one who has been though divorce or personally knows some one who has.There is never very much left after the dust settles . And dad had been though 6 of them ,so it wasn't as if we three were expecting much in the way of keep sakes .
Reply to Topic<< Previous Topic | Next Topic >>
Pages: 1 2 · >>

1 browsing (0 members - 1 guest)

Quick Reply
Be Respectful of Others

      
Subscribe to topic prefs

Similar Topics
    Forum Topic Last Post Replies Views
New posts   Parenting
Mon Jun 12, 2006 @ 06:20
7 1206
New posts   Religion & Philosophy
Wed Aug 12, 2009 @ 05:50
10 870
New posts   Society & Lifestyles
Mon Sep 17, 2012 @ 18:12
72 5084
New posts   Music
Thu Jan 26, 2012 @ 10:02
0 308
New posts   Random
Wed Jan 25, 2006 @ 02:15
23 1110