A joke I heard today.

This fat girl walked into a bar and looked around for the best looking bloke she could find. She walked right up to him and said.

Hello handsome, if you can guess my weight you can take me back to yours and f*** me senseless all night long.

He replied.

About 2 ton yer fat cow.

She smiles and says.

Thats close enough for me you lucky bastard

I would of said like 4 lbs. so I would be no where near close.

Whoops I think the girls on this site are not going to like this one

I think Im going to get a slap

Well I salute you for a nice joke. lol

You're a genius dontlisten!

Now why do you think he said 2 tons?

He didn't listen

So theres this old bloke of 93 years old on his death bed in hospital with a mask on his face for his breathing.

In walks a nurse as pretty as you have ever seen with long red hair and curves that just dont stop.

The old fella says to the girl with a voice muffled by his mask, " Are my testicals black?"

"Oh I dont know if I should really look, I ll go and get the matron to look for you"

She relates the story to the matron who advises that she must get used to this sort of thing and go take a look for her self.

She walks back to the mans bed and pulls down his covers and pulls aside his underpants.

"No" She says. "They are a healthy pink"

"Are my testicles black?" The old man labours.

Feeling a little exasperated, she bites the bullet and reaches in to his pants holding his todger to one side and says, "No they are a healthy pink".

"Are my testicles black?" Comes the old mans muffled response.

She grimaces and reaches in cupping his balls with the other hand and pulls them out for the old guy to see.

"No they are a healthy pink". She says yet again.

The old man pulls off his breathing mask and with a wry smile says "Are my test results back?"